God Waits

It has been over year since I started the whole Journeyman process. So much has happened since I took that initial step into the unknown. From the first day of the process, through the three stages of the written application, finally going to the screening conference to find out what job I was going to do, and then going through two months of orientation there has been a lot of time to think this through. A lot of waiting.
In all reality much of life is waiting. Yet have we not lost the mentality that “good things come to those who wait?” In this corporate America of fast food, high speed internet, and instant messaging there is little room for any idea of waiting. The expectation is that if we can’t have it now it is not worth having. We use this same approach with God in how we spend time with Him. As we pray we expect immediate results, visible results. Or when difficult times arrive we fail to see the growth that comes through trials and tribulations. We suffer because we don’t know what longsuffering is.
The toughest time for me is when I am at a place that I don’t have a direct word from God. I am in a pickle between two different roads and I rush to go down one without really waiting on God to reveal to me what His will is. I have learned so much over the past year through this great waiting period. Going from one event to another, always in anxious expectation of the next season in life I miss what I am experiencing in the here and now, which is my fellowship with Christ. He is always present, always here with me, and what greater privilege is there than to enjoy Him?
Isaiah 30:18 says, “Blessed are all those who wait on Him.” I took this as my personal verse for the longest time, because of the whole blessing factor. But I truly missed what this was actually saying. If we wait on God it’s not that we get a blessing as a reward, but that the actual process of waiting is the blessing. When we wait on God, we show that we are truly trusting God, making Him our trust. Waiting is trusting. When this happens we depend so much on God that we don’t limit God in what He will do in our lives.
Looking back on this verse one thing that I looked over that is so essential in our relationship with God is the first part of the verse. “Therefore, the Lord waits to be gracious to you.” At first glance this seems that we should just expect blessings at any second because of God’s eagerness to bless. What I failed to realize is that God is waiting for me. For me it is sometimes hard to imagine God’s patience. His patience with my whole life in my sin, my walk, and my calling. I felt a strong call to missions when I was fourteen but I ran away from that calling. It wasn’t until a year ago that I took up the path that God had planned for me. God has had this beautiful plan for my life, blessings indescribable, but I ran to what I thought were greener pastures, safer pastures. God waited and waited to be Gracious to me, He waited for me to respond, for me to obey. He patiently allowed me to run from my calling, and even led me to a cave where wind, earthquakes, and fire passed, yet spoke to me in a still small voice, asking me what I was doing there and why I wasn’t where He wanted me to be.
God is so gracious, and is eager to bless us, but many times it is we who have to act in loving obedience. As I have said I have waited for this moment for about a year now, where I will be headed overseas to fulfill my calling. God has been waiting since the foundation of the world. What I have found that many a time when I thought I was waiting on God, it was God who was waiting on me.

Sweet Sorrow

Back in Florida, I sit down reminiscing over the past two months and I can only smile at the Grace given so bountifully. Who am I to receive such? Entering orientation I was full of anxiety and little to no expectations about what was going to happen. I desired to be faithful and obedient but knowing myself I was afraid to fall as so many times before. Immediately I felt a huge burden weighing my soul down that I was literally forced to be humbled to my knees. My sole desire became to know Christ, know Him personally, Him intimately, to be so close it hurt; I would worry about the details later. What happened was a wonderful two months filled with great difficulty but greater glory, always leading me to the throne of His Grace. Though I fell into many a “slough of despond” God always provided a companion on the other side to lift me out. Passing through this world as a pilgrim I cherish the company of the other pilgrims on the same path to the Celestial City. My travels couldn’t have been made without the Faithful and Hopeful that accompanied me. This is what makes our departure so bittersweet. Each assigned to their own battlefield, we must part. In our parting we are left with sweet memories mingled with the sorrow of being without the other. Though we take different roads for the King we will meet at the same destination on the other side of His Good Will. I pray that when my time is up I will be found faithful among the faithful.

A Blossoming Fig Tree

God gives so graciously to all His Beloved children. His blessings are almost too great for our depraved souls to comprehend. What I find so evident in this world and in my own life is that though God's blessings are so wonderful they always are in danger of becoming our greatest curses. The light from the sun, the fruit from the trees, the water from the streams, all things given by our Father are given from His pure Love. The purpose of His gifts is to always lead us to the throne of God, to have fellowship with our Maker, the Maker of all things; Gifts are to be a reflection of God as our Creator. The view now has reversed in that people view God as a means to be led to the throne of their desires and their pleasures, only to be mastered by them. The phrase is accurate, "the things you own soon own you." In John 6:26, Jesus says to the people from the five thousand He fed with fish and loaves, "you are seeking me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of loaves." How many times do we seek the gifts and not the Giver, the creation and not the Creator? I am not without guilt. As I see a blossoming fig tree and I am grateful for the fruit, but though it might satisfy the hunger of my flesh, it will never satisfy the hunger in my soul. This desire so foreign to any worldly pleasures can only be satisfied in our fellowship with God. Our creator has given us all things to enjoy them, but not to have our joy in them. C.S. Lewis says, “When a love becomes a god, it becomes a demon.” At any point we must be willing to walk away, to die to our pleasures so we can have the ultimate pleasure in Him. We praise God for the blossoming fig tree, but we should praise Him without it as well. With Habakkuk we should always be able to say, “Though the fig tree should not blossom…yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will take joy in the God of my salvation.” (Hakakkuk 3:17,18)

Savages

I figured since I am here at Rockville, VA, and there is not a whole lot of action going on now, that I will try to post every week about what I am learning or experiencing until I get on the field. I credit Parker Windle for the use of the word, Savage. One of the greatest joys of being here during orientation is having fellowship with my brothers in Christ. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by Savages who walk the Way of Christ, charging against the gates of hell to proclaim the light in the midst of darkness. As we strive forward in this continuing epic we grow stronger together. We have had many rituals proving our savagery, which include Savage Night (a.k.a date night by those less savage), Walking on Water, playing Bolivian Basketball, the Swing of Glory, and Running the Gauntlet over the River Of Death (R.O.D.) I cannot quite convey how much God has used these guys to further my walk, challenge me where I am weak, and if nothing else have a great time even while doing things not so smart. There is something to be said of an army, a tribe, a band of brothers marching to the same beat, for the same cause, in this case to further the Kingdom of God. They are the Savages refusing to conform to this world becoming outcasts who boldly proclaim the Gospel for the True King. I give a shout out to my brothers, my fellow sojourners, who walk worthy and allow me to share in their Savagery.

Awake the Dawn

I figured that I would explain the reason why I titled this blog the way that I did, besides the obvious reason that I think it sounds cool. Know that I am no theologian, but only a fellow layman, a child of my Father in Heaven and these blogs are only an expression of my relationship with my Beautiful Savior. Please lend grace to where my weaknesses truly show in my writing and even my thoughts.
Psalm 57 has been truly one of my favorite Psalms ever since I went to Venezuela on my first mission trip during the summer of 2003. I was interning under the Incredible Randy Presley and was placed on a team with my adopted family members, Steve and Trish Karn. From the trip I remember most vividly that I never wanted to do missions again and I definitely wouldn't go back to South America. It was a stressful week that only revealed my lack of spiritual maturity. I learned more than I thought, however, and one thing I did take from it was this Psalm that was read by one of the Venezuelan pastors. When he read it, it was like I had never seen it before even though I read through the Psalms a thousand times. Looking back and seeing how God has worked within me a passion for missions I realize how He planted the seed of verse 2 deep within my heart, "I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me."
I always loved the imagery of verse 8 especially. "Awake, my glory! Awake, O harp and lyre! I will Awake the Dawn!" This verse I believe is speaking to the necessity, the urgency of worshipping God. The verse before and the verses after speak of giving thanks, singing praises, the exaltation of God, His Glory being over all the earth. Is this not why we were created? Our purpose to exalt an Almighty God, the Creator, the Author of Life? I believe all creation speaks, sings, shouts His Glory, His Majesty. Why should we, who have been made in His image, do any less?
There was probably no one who was more passionate about praising God than David, a man after God's own heart. David here, first says, "Awake my glory!" He is basically saying, "Awake my whole being, my whole essence, everything that is in me, let it be alert, let it be totally aware of my God." How many times have I been divided in my thoughts, and have worshipped half-heartily, holding back what I wasn't willing to give to Him? O, that I would awake my glory, awaken it to the praise of my Living God, that all of who I am, all my strengths, all my weaknesses, all I fear and love, all my thoughts and desires, my whole body and soul are awoken to the sunrise of His Eternal Beauty.
He then says, "Awake, O harp and lyre!" David was such an amazing song writer that we still use his beautiful poetry today. What makes them so powerful yet relevant is that he sung and played from what was in the depths of his heart crying out. His music reflected his passion for God, and here he wanted to use his skill of harp and lyre to bless his Savior, to worship Him in song.
Finally, he says, "Awake the Dawn!" David is so eager to see the sunrise so that he can begin to praise the LORD. If he could he would have literally woken a personified dawn so that he could declare the mercies of the LORD. To have such passion, to look forward to the next day only to lift up our God in praise for who He is. I know there have been many a day that I have dreaded and I became bogged down with the trivialities of life. But what if my attitude was to eagerly await, wanting desperately to awake the dawn so that I may begin to declare how great is my God? In so many ways I am impatient to look for my own glory. I wake up in the morning, consumed with who I am that I truly miss why I am, why I have been created.
The verses after this speak soundly of our purpose, which is fulfilled only by God. That He is exalted above the Heavens! That His Glory be over all the earth! I pray that my life will be a pursuit of Him, and will not rest in anything but fellowship with Him. That my life will glorify God in such a way that He is truly magnified and I am nothing more than a reflection. The desire of my soul is to long for tomorrow, to give thanks to God for yet another day to Honor Him, to awake eagerly so I have the opportunity to praise my LORD. I will awake the dawn.

Beginnings

I hope this to be the first of many blogs chronicling my adventure through these next couple of years. God has laid on my heart a burning desire for the lost that have never been told the Good News. In the heart of South America there are many indigenous people groups that have never had the chance to hear of Salvation. They live in difficult areas to access, which few sojourners have ever travelled. How are they to call on His Name, to believe, to hear unless someone is sent? I pray with the strength of the LORD and His good purpose He will use this broken instrument for His Glory and the advance of His Kingdom. I know this will not be an easy journey nor do I intend for it to be, but what I seek is His Good pleasure in my obedience to His will. This road will lead me to great mountains taking me to the heights of His Majesty where I will be engulfed by His Holy presence, but it will also take me to the lowest depths of spiritual valleys where my only Hope through the darkness is to hold onto the Light that will lead me Home. My intention is to share the workings of God in my life and the lives of the Xtreme Team so that we can fellowship in His Glory all to the praise of His Name. Right now I am in Rockville, Virginia going through Orientation but I will be heading to Peru on April 18th. Please be in prayer for my preparation as I will soon embark on this journey with the LORD.