Awake The Dawn

Moving

2011-02-04T14:48:00.000-08:00

I have decided to move my blog. Well, not really my blog. This blog is not moving. It is, however, time for me to move on.

I first started this blog when I was in Richmond training to assimilate to life overseas. It was a means to update the folks back home about my adventures overseas. When I first got back to the States, I thought about disbanding the blog altogether because there was no exciting spiritual adventure to be had. This in turn became an indictment primarily because there was no exciting spiritual adventure to be had. We all have a story to write and I was not writing mine well.

The blog has really become more of an accountability that I should be living in such a way that it can be written down. So, I have tried to write, though unsuccessful in consistency, what I have been learning, how I have been growing here in North Carolina. This has been fun though I feel that my thoughts communicated on this web page have run its course. I have my partner, my bride, my best friend to share a story with. I am glad to be writing with her now. My wife, Susan, and I have decided to join our blogs into one. Maybe this way we can be more consistent. (That and she is an awesome writer for which I hope to benefit by association).

It is good and right to end this blog on the four year anniversary of the first unforgettable day of our orientation in Richmond, where I met the dearest of brothers, and most of all my beautiful bride. Awakethedawn will always be an encouragement for me to meet each and every morning with a fervor to fight to see God’s glory in every moment. I hope that it defined me in this blog as I hope it will define me in the next blog.

I realize that this post could be a bit narcissistic considering there are all of two of you who check this, of whom I probably could either call you up to let you know I have a new blog or just walk over to your place and tell you to your face. Either way, if someone comes here on accident or even if one has a true desire to read about what is going on in our lives it can be done at grahamandsusan.wordpress.com.

Thank you for all those who kept up with me over the years and have earnestly prayed for me by checking this blog. Please continue to pray. We are desperate for His grace and for your intercession.

Charity: A Hermeneutic Goal

2011-01-21T13:42:00.000-08:00

I just completed a class on the History of the Interpretation of the Old Testament. It was fascinating and surprisingly very edifying. The class was a weeklong intensive from 8 to 5 with a lot of reading in preparation of the class. When I told people about the class I received blank stares or pats on the shoulder as if to console me in a time of mourning. I haven’t gotten my grade back yet so I might need the consoling pat later, but as for now I am still encouraged by what I learned.

When I came to seminary I wanted to learn what was right. I wanted to open the Word and come to the right meaning. I took a class on hermeneutics (interpretation) and thought this would train me well enough for that purpose. What I found in me, however, was more of a desire to be right than in knowing the Author of Scripture. Finding the correct or orthodox meaning of a text is of the utmost importance but it cannot stop there.

The person who came to help me the most was the African Bishop of Hippo, Saint Augustine. It is insane to think about how much he accomplished and how much he influenced not only Christianity but philosophy in the West for hundreds of years. Augustine is known mostly for his theology, but my boy was even a Baller in hermeneutics.

Augustine’s “method” of interpretation is not all that original and he employs allegory, which leads to crazy conclusions to the modern eye. What is beautiful and freeing about Augustine is to see this man with the most brilliant mind be affected so much by his pastoral heart. When he came to Scripture his main goal of expositing a text was to promote charity (or love) to God and to his fellow man. Echoing the beautiful twofold commandment given by Jesus Christ he extended it to every aspect of his life, particularly interpreting the Bible.

Here are some Money Quotes regarding his interpretation of the Bible:

“All of Scripture concerns love; it is the upper part of the heavens because the heart that loves ascends to God. The work of interpretation has one task. Out of the holy page has no other end than love”

"So if it seems to you that you have understood the divine scriptures, or any part of them, in such a way that by this understanding you do not build up this twin love of God and neighbor, then you have not yet understood them"

If I am only extracting a certain truth from Scripture without stirring my affections for the LORD and for others then I am incomplete in my task. I have not reached the goal of hermeneutics. When Augustine opened the Scriptures he did not look to find himself, but he looked to find His Savior. It was this fervent pursuit to find God that Augustine was stirred to deep affectionate love for his Creator and fellow man.

This has changed the way I have viewed my hermeneutical goal. I have a new and deeper goal. I pray that the Holy Spirit will not only show me the truth in Scripture, but that He will stir me to charity.

Marriage: A Portrait of the Gospel

2011-01-19T09:44:00.001-08:00

Susan and I just celebrated our one-year anniversary. I am among all men most blessed to have someone like Susan as my beautiful bride. She is the more than I could have ever imagined, or as Matt Chandler likes to say, I out punted my coverage.

I had previously posted about marriage last January when we were only three weeks in. I can honestly say though it was good then it has gotten even better, deeper, and more genuine.

Most people said the first year would be horrible so we didn’t have the highest expectations going in. We were happily surprised that this was not the case, and though by the good Lord’s grace it has been anything but that, I see how it could be that way. Place two desperate sinners of different genders in the same house and it is not going to be sunshine everyday.

I asked a friend of mine who had just had just celebrated his first year of marriage how the first year was. His answer was “Sanctifying”. Maybe it was too early on for me to practically grasp what he meant by that.

The hardest part of marriage has been how much my own selfishness has been vividly manifest. I have always been selfish but marriage put a mirror in front of me that I could not ignore. Of course selfishness being only one of the many revealed vices. Marriage is sanctifying because it forces me to deal with that which causes not only my wife to grieve, but also the Holy Spirit.

From Scripture we are taught that marriage must be portrait of the Gospel (Ephesians 5:32). How I love my wife should point to how Christ loves the church. Christ gives the perfect example how to love perfectly with no reservations. Love is more than feelings. It is a covenant that calls us to be more like Christ, love like Christ, die like Christ. O, how I fall short of this!

The Gospel becomes not only my motivation for how I should love my wife, but it is also the means by which I will love my wife. God loves me without condition and calls me to do the same and by the power of the Holy Spirit he empowers me able to love well.

I could not be happier with my life with Susan. It is wonderful and beautiful in every way. Convincing her to marry me has been and always will be my greatest accomplishment. I am, however, realizing more and more that marriage is not about me or about my happiness. It is the Gospel lived out for those to see. It is a portrait of grace, forgiveness, and charity.

One year has been amazing and I am confident it will only get better. Yet, even if we face hardships, I pray that the Gospel will always be our goal and our means. Though it doesn’t always look like it should, we must continue to behold His glory so that we can transform more into his likeness. Only by His grace have we gotten this far and by grace we will endure in the joy that is set before us.

I will leave you with this money quote from my boy Dietrich Bonhoeffer:

“It’s not your love that will sustain your marriage but your marriage that will sustain your love.”

I love you Susan. Happy Anniversary

The Social Network

2010-10-10T14:56:00.000-07:00

Susan and I went and saw the new movie, The Social Network. The movie seemed interesting enough to see eventually, but after seeing four-star reviews as a norm among the critics I was moved to see it at the theatre. It was a good movie in the sense of how it was made, but it was dark and left very little redeemable value. What fascinated me about the movie is that it was about this recent phenomenon, the social network. I have been a member of Facebook maybe since 2004, when my roommate Greg Rogers created accounts for my other roommates and me without our consent. It felt at the time and I am almost more certain of it now, that it was a weird thing and a thing that lived and breathed on the hype of the masses.

After seeing the movie, the Social Network, though definitely not a factual story, I feel more aware of the attractiveness. At the core of us all we want to belong, to be a part of something, but naturally this involves the exclusion of others. In essence, if everyone belonged then no one would belong. The very idea of exclusion is what appeals to our nature, and it is driven by comparison to our peers. I remember when Facebook was only for those in universities. Auburn, at the time, was one of the universities included, and I must admit that I was part of something unique and I to some degree reveled in it. I remember when Facebook was expanded to high schools and then later to any and all who desire to have a Facebook account. There came this feeling that it was no longer unique or “cool”. It had lost much of its appeal to me because it was no longer exclusive.

What is fascinating to me is the brilliance of Facebook to keep attracting people. It almost seems that it is now using the famous “everyone’s doing it” tactic and it is working. Don’t get me wrong; I think there is nothing intrinsically wrong in Facebook or the social network. I think it is amoral, a tool that can be used for good and for bad. Obviously, I still have Facebook, but like anything I must be careful.

The sad consequence of the booming social network, though, is that it is causing our interpersonal relationships to suffer. I have many a friend who will be more into Twitter and Facebook on their phone than the conversation that is happening in person. A USA Today article states that people are more open with their personal life in a public sphere on the Internet than within their groups of people they interact with daily. The problem with the social network is that it fosters an artificial community that makes us feel like we belong but lacks genuine accountability to who we truly are in our daily lives. This is not to say that we cannot or do not hide in real life. It is to say that we have empowered our hiding and created an artificial feeling of belonging that promotes narcissism.

The redeemable aspect of the movie, The Social Network, the “take home” so-to-speak, is the grim lesson that the main character learned. In gaining all these artificial friends via the internet, he gave up the one genuine relationship he had. People throughout the movie started becoming friends with him because of his success or brilliance, but never for who he was, and you can see it takes its toll on him. The movie might as well be a parable to our generation whose identity is wrapped up in the ability and the availability to communicate what we want others to think about us without having to live up to it. All the while, neglecting the beautiful souls who are right in front of us. True community can be had, but I doubt it can ever be genuinely had via the internet.

Contrast

2010-09-25T09:28:00.000-07:00

I came across a beautiful truth as I was reading a book on grammar by Richard Young for my Greek class. I want to say it was a riveting read but it was pretty technical and I found myself rereading pages just to fully grasp the minute details. There was, however, one passage in a chapter on sentence structure that surprisingly stirred me. The passage was explaining the idea of “prominence” as the “state of standing out from the surroundings so as to be easily noticed.”

What caught my eye the most was the statement: “If all parts of a discourse are equally prominent, total unintelligibility results. The result is like being presented with a piece of black paper and being told, ‘This is a picture of black camels crossing black sands at midnight.’” So in essence, “We can only perceive something if it stands out from its background.”

I have thought often about this idea of contrast and how it is through contrast that we are able to perceive many truths. The main contrast that this brings to mind is that of good and evil. This is by no means an essay on why evil exists but rather a mere reflection on its existence in light of the existence of good.

In this world every human being has an idea of good and evil. Like the range of colors with its varying degrees of intensity, so it is with a range from good to evil. Some things can be viewed even as morally neutral or indifferent. There is an idea present in all of us of the two extremes from good to evil. We see figures in history like Hitler as the epitome of evil and Mother Teresa as the epitome of good.

I could totally be wrong about this, but we have a clearer idea of what is good because we have the contrast of evil. Evil makes good prominent. The good stands out from the bad like a candle that lights up a dark room.

Though contrast helps reveal what is prominent, the contrast only helps us to see the reality. The contrast does not make it the reality. A candle in a well-lit room won’t be as prominent as in a dark room but it burns regardless. In the same way, God’s goodness doesn’t depend on the contrast because it is true in and of itself. But when we rightly reflect on our own sinful nature, and the evil that is in the world, the thing most prominent is God’s goodness and holiness.

It is easy to compare good with evil and to see that great divide. But how I believe all should see it, the most glorious contrast is God to everything else. Even the best thing in this world would fail to compare to His glory. In all things God is not only prominent but he is also preeminent. This is the beautiful contrast.

Though it is right and good to recognize how God is contrasted with the world, let our lives correspond to that knowledge, being salt and light, living for Jesus Christ who has transformed and is transforming us into His image. My prayer is that others can see the contrast of those who believe in the Resurrection and the rest of the world, all to the Glory of His Name.

Greatness

2010-08-23T17:08:00.000-07:00

I read an interesting article by Jeff Pearlman today concerning the recent plight of Roger Clemens. He writes,

No, the vanity is what, one must think, brought Clemens to this dreaded point in his life; the belief that throwing a baseball -- a random act somehow deemed valuable by our society -- is important and powerful and worthy of great riches and praise and status.”

It is interesting because in our society, in our culture, in our nature there is something very troubling, though very subtle, about how we idolize athletes. I grew up playing sports, loving sports, and even loving to hate the rival teams. Riding the emotional roller coaster it became addictive. But when I was overseas and no one there knew anything about my favorite basketball team, let alone how many national championships they had, and before I knew it, the identity connected with a certain team, sport, athlete, came obsolete. For this I am grateful for it freed me.

We praise athletes for being able to run fast, throw hard, jump high, without giving much value to what is truly valuable in life. We pack stadiums to watch college kids run back forth on a field to the point that sports have become our identity.

I don’t know Roger Clemens personally so I cannot judge if he is proud or not. I know that he has been a phenomenal athlete throughout his brilliant career. My mom and I used to look forward to watching him play and we thoroughly enjoyed hearing about his work ethic. It was most impressive the longevity of his career. I must admit that I admired him for his athletic ability the same way I admired Michael Jordan in his “greatness” on the basketball court.

I don’t think it is wrong to appreciate a competitor like Clemens or Jordan, like I don’t think it is wrong to appreciate a brilliant musician. But I don’t know these men personally, and I wonder if I don’t give the credit due to the men and women in my life that are excellent in being good husbands and wives, in being good at their jobs day in and day out without praise.

How does one define greatness? Is it how well someone can play a particular sport? Or does greatness take on different characteristics?

If I had to truly weigh what is important in life I would come to the conclusion that the men and women I do know who love the Lord and live for Him faithfully have earned my respect infinitely far more than a man who throws an incredible fastball, whom I don’t even know.

Maybe greatness lies in the one who is a servant. The one who loves their enemies. The one who chooses to humble themselves so others can take the seat of honor.

I believe that I read that somewhere. I also believe that it is right and true.

Christianity and the Art of Moped Maintenance

2010-08-10T10:36:00.000-07:00

Susan and I spent the summer in Wynne, Arkansas. Never growing up did I sit back and imagine myself having the best time in Arkansas. I grew up in Alabama and it is just best to go East from there. Little did I know that while I was imagining being in romantic places (maybe only romantic for us) like Turkey, Oregon, or China, the Lord had prepared for us joy overflowing in a little town in northeast Arkansas with a population of 8,000.

This is a short reflection on our short time with the amazing community of believers in Wynne, AR.

It was no easy thing to pick up and leave for the summer. Now that I am a semi-adult this kind of thing is getting more and more difficult. There are jobs, bills, and many other factors to consider. When I first heard about this opportunity I thought that we would soon know shortly if God wants us to do this by making it possible for us to leave given all our responsibilities. God answered our prayers and made it abundantly clear that this was obedience for us for this season. And despite our reticence, we knew it better to obey.

Our job for the summer was to disciple the youth at First Baptist Wynne under the leadership of Uncle Randy Presley. It was light on logistics and heavy on relationships for which I was most grateful. We had always talked about doing discipleship, small groups, and just being very relational in our approach to ministry but it was still a learning process for us as well.

How do we teach and lead in such a way that will empower these youth to teach and lead others? How do we make leaders instead of followers?

We asked these questions and many more as we poured into these kids. We wanted to show them how to be intentional with everything they did. To use their God given talents and every day opportunities and see them as resources God has entrusted them for the Kingdom. We also wanted to be relational instead of programmatic. We took them to lunch, we went running together, we went on trips together.

We did life together.

Though this seems “radical” I believe with all that I am that this is the model Christ first gave us. Light on logistics and heavy on relationships. Almost counter intuitive. Christ poured into a small group of guys and did everything together with them. He not only showed them how to do life but He did life with them.

I pray that we had some lasting impact on the youth, but in all honesty, I believe we were the most affected during this summer. God challenged us, encouraged us, and just spoke to every part of our being. The community of believers in Wynne was absolutely incredible as they poured into Susan and me. We had the greatest pleasure and joy being a part of the Body of Christ in Wynne, AR. They are the most amazing people and I am thankful to gain such deep brothers and sisters in Christ.

My prayer now is that we live out in Wake Forest what we learned and taught in Wynne.

POST SCRIPT

The last part of the summer I finally started using the moped that is owned by the church. Though I fell the first time, I got the hang of it and it has almost sold me on buying one of my own someday. Randy’s youngest, Margaret Ann, had nothing for me the whole summer. But in the last week I finally, by God’s good grace, won her over. She started to ask for me and actually smiled in lieu of crying when I walked in a room. The greatest thing is that now whenever she sees a motorcycle or a moped she will say my name. That is victory enough for me.

To Kill a Jabberwocky

2010-04-16T13:02:00.001-07:00

It has been a couple of weeks since I saw the new 'Alice in Wonderland' in theaters. I thought it was a good, solid watch, though it did nothing too drastically different as to better or even worsen any of the versions before it.

What I do remember from the movie that I liked a lot was Alice's confrontation with the Jabberwocky. Not so much the actual fight but how she convinced herself that it could be done.

It was great. Alice has a shield and a sword walking slowly up to the massive beast and she says to herself that it is impossible to kill such a creature. Then, remembering a saying she shared with her father, "I have accomplished six impossibilities before breakfast." She then started listing the impossibilities she had accomplished before facing the Jabberwocky.

In my estimation it was one of the sweetest parts of the movie. It speaks to all of us in some way or another. I see something before me that is challenging and I want to balk. I have a tendency to get anxious or nervous about certain things and then I realize that I have done crazier things and seen miracles happen unexplainable.

It makes me think of God's grace in my life:

By His grace I have been saved from my sin.

By His grace I have had the Holy Spirit poured out on me.

By His grace I have a beautiful family.

By His grace I have community and fellowship with Godly brothers and sisters.

By His grace I have the most amazing wife.

By His grace God continues to make me into a more lovable creature by putting challenges along the way making me depend all the more on His beautiful grace.

It puts daily activity in perspective and makes us think about the weight of victory in overcoming the impossible.

We love stories that the hero has to overcome impossible challenges. That is what makes them the hero. But when it comes to our stories we would rather avoid the risk of losing. But when we think about it we live and breathe by miracles.

To kill a jabberwocky, one must think of all the miracles that have happened even before breakfast.

The Just and the Justifier

2010-04-01T05:34:00.001-07:00

Today we celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. I guess in theory we celebrate it every Sunday, and I guess we should celebrate it every single day.

The Resurrection makes us who we are.

One of the greatest paradoxes of the Christian faith is that God is Just and Merciful. He is more Just than we will ever be and more Merciful than we will ever be. It is because of Christ that He can be both, because in Christ He holds these two together.

God is the Maker of Heaven and Earth. He is the King, a Righteous Ruler. To let rebellion go without punishing it would negate His Holiness, His Justice. A Just Ruler would not allow crimes to go unpunished.

So, the biggest struggle is that when I sin, when I rebel, when I am idolatrous, I feel the impossibility of approaching the throne of God, for it is against Him that I have sinned. My inclination is to run from the Sovereign God. But here is where the beautiful truth and freedom come in: Not only is He Just but He is the Justifier. He is not only the One who judges but He is the One who Saves.

My rebellion is against God Almighty, but at the same time only God Almighty can save me.

How does He do this? He becomes Man to take on the full punishment of rebellion of mankind. God remains Just and Merciful.

What better day to celebrate our Freedom? Religions have much truth to them but lack salvation for mankind. Christianity is so beautiful in that God becomes Man in order that His Character and Salvation are complete.

God is not only our Judge but Our Savior. He is not only the Just but the Justifier.

This is all because of Jesus Christ defeating death on the Cross.

What greater news is this?

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Chrsit Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus. (Romans 3:23 - 26)

Go For It

2010-03-26T10:04:00.001-07:00

This day three years ago I went for it. A girl who did not really didn't notice me for the whole month and a half of our exhaustive knowledge of each other. I had made attempts, some very lame attempts, at getting to know her but only in that uncommitted way that is much like a middle schooler hitting a girl whom he likes.

Nothing worked. I tried several ploys that I found out later only backfired. It was all or nothing. I even had a verse in preparation for my expected rejection. "The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand." (Ps. 37:23, 24) I knew I could fall; I was just hoping I wouldn't be cast headlong. Sounds awful.

And so with little to no encouragement; with almost no hope whatsoever I put myself out there. By that time it was win-win. I wouldn't have to always wonder "what if?"

And now she is my wife.

I think the problem with many of the guys in the Church today (I count myself one of these before I finally put myself out there three years ago today) is that they befriend many girls, have many deep conversations, but never, ever put themselves in such a vulnerable position as to allow the girl to know their true intentions. And if they have no intentions then they should leave the girl alone. There has been many a trail of tears following guys with vague motives and ambiguous actions that are inconsistent and don't correspond with their words.

Telling Susan I was crazy about her seemed counter intuitive and foolish. But now, looking back three years after the fact, I could not imagine my life if I had not told her how I felt. I am thankful that I was not cast headlong and even more so that she gave me a chance.

Therefore, I tell all you guys who sit on the proverbially fence, "go for it." I am not saying it will necessarily work out. It very well might not work out. I am just saying be honest. At least you will know. And she will too. And you never know what could happen from there.

True Blue

2010-03-25T13:11:00.000-07:00

I write this before the UK/Cornell game because an upset would make this post look silly.

There is nothing in sports more glorious than NCAA Tournament. Nothing. Even when the unthinkable happened (University of Kentucky not making the Big Dance) last year I still was fired up filling out my bracket, letting me emotions ride the roller coaster of the tournament with all its upsets, close victories, and close defeats. In my opinion the NCAA Tournament is a great example of what we label the "American Dream" (which would make the BCS the American Reality), where the underdog has a chance at greatness. This is the reason why most of the country pulls for the upset. America loves the underdog.

This makes rooting for UK difficult. The Cats are usually not the underdog in basketball (mostly because they play in the SEC). It makes it worse now that Kentucky's starting five is comprised mostly of NBA bound players who will not stay for more than a year. Don't get me wrong, I love watching these guys. John Wall is exciting, Cousins is a beast, and Bledsoe can hit the three (eight in a row the other day). They have brought success back to Lexington.

I have heard much criticism from those less fortunate who do not have quite the tradition UK enjoys. I must include, however, that the criticism has come from fans who pull for teams that have had their own fair share of "one and dones" (UNC and Duke, two other traditionally powerful teams). At the same time I confess that much of their criticism is not undeserved. There is something about the "one and dones" concept that I don't like. I understand it to some degree but it still doesn't feel as good as a team full of Seniors and Juniors who have been dedicated over the years and now seeing the fruit of their labor.

I remember back in '98 when Jeff Shepherd, Wayne Turner, and Scott Padgett were the main players for the Blue. I believe they were a 2 seed that year, and though still a high seed definitely not the favorite to win it all. They get to the regional final against Duke (their arch nemesis outside of the Commonwealth, and really based on one game) and find themselves down by seventeen points with seven minutes left to go. It was Tubby Smith's first season to coach and he beautifully outmaneuvered Coach K of Duke by not calling a time out for a run that lasted five minutes long. UK miraculously come back to win that game. In the Final Four they came back from behind to beat Stanford in Overtime, and then against Utah in the Final, down by ten at halftime, coming from behind the third game in a row to win their Seventh National Championship.

I loved that team. I loved the team in 2003 and 2004 who ended up exiting the dance prematurely. Cliff Hawkins, Gerald Fitch, and Keith Bogans were a great team. Hard working team.

Kentucky looks (outside an upset of course, which could happen tonight) like they are primed to win their eight national championship. And though I would be happy if they won, and I would talk my usual trash, I am sure it will not mean as much to me as the '98 championship.

With that said, as long as I am a basketball fan I will pull for UK. I am True Blue no matter what it looks like. Even if they have a questionable coach, or players that went to only one class during their tenure, or have a Final Four taken away three years from now, or even never again make it to the tournament, I will still bleed Kentucky Blue. I guess that is what makes me a fan at the end of the day.

Gram's Baptism

2010-03-07T07:19:00.001-08:00

Last Sunday, Susan and I drove up to Yorktown, VA to see her beloved grandmother, Evelyn Hall, get baptized. She is ninety years old with a certain amount of zeal and passion that would decidedly trick you into believing she was much younger. Susan calls her grandma, Gram, which was confusing at first, but I have come to know this lovely lady who keeps me on my toes with her clever remarks and sharp wit.

Susan and I were so blessed to hear that Ms. Evelyn (as I call her) was getting baptized. She felt it was the right thing to do to follow through with baptism in obedience to our good Lord and it encouraged us greatly to see such a conviction. To witness any baptism is wonderful but it was so special to this past Sunday.

In the same service we had the Lord’s Supper and all of it was beautiful to witness the powerful confession of the resurrection so clearly demonstrated. I hope one day if God were to bless me with ninety years of age I would have the same amount of zeal and passion (I am sure I will never have the same amount of wit) as Ms. Evelyn. More than anything I hope that everyday will be a celebration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Here’s to Gram who encourages and blesses us in every way.

Fire Arcade

2010-03-04T09:43:00.000-08:00

The most influential people in my life in regard to music are my sister and my brother. I remember when I was in sixth grade stealing the new The Offspring CD from Kent who had originally stolen it from Ashley. Kent introduced me to Nirvana and Bush which became formative to what I have listened to the past decade or more. I love Smashing Pumpkins, Live, and Our Lady Peace. My sister and my brother moved on from that stage, it feels like, but I kept it strong.

I like "harder stuff" acknowledging all things relative. I have always liked listening to music that pumped me up making me feel that I had to overcome something. I love Chevelle (another group my brother introduced to me) and Breaking Benjamin.

Dating Susan I have grown an appreciation and a liking for her stuff, which I feel like is basically my music unplugged with slightly more optimistic lyrics. I don't know what it is. Maybe I am getting older and more reflective. Maybe I am not angry. Maybe I am not imagining shooting the game winning goal anymore with "Smells Like Teen Spirit" in the background. But whatever it is I am enjoying more and more slower music. I hate to label it but to leave it to "slower music" is a bit too general. Arcade Fire (whom I called, Fire Arcade, until I bought the CD) is a good example of what I find myself enjoying more and more. So, is Sufjan Stevens and Modest Mouse. What I like about it is that it feels that I am in a movie. Most likely an independent movie because they usually have independent music. I like anything that feels like it is a song that could be played at the resolution of a movie. All the conflict has been resolved. The credits are about to roll and there is a sense of completion. I like that feeling and this music brings me there.

I wish I could speak more technically about music like my brother or brother-in-law. I get the benefit of it all being somewhat a mystery. I am always too late to discover anything. Arcade Fire has been out for a good while now and I am just now "discovering" them after someone recommended them and my sister confirmed the recommendation. My boy, Jamie, just recently told me about Sleeping At Last, who is blessing me more and more, but they too have been around for some time. So to those who have gems and want to share in their wealth of "conflict resolving music", please share.

I recommend the music video of Wake Up by Arcade Fire:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEKC5pyOKFU

The guy on the snare is my favorite! He looks like Napoleon Dynamite

I must add, as a recent development, my appreciation for rap. At this present moment I am not sure if I can give it a stronger word than “appreciation” but I must acknowledge this advancement and give credit to my boy, Matt Baker. Never before was anyone able to break down what is put into a rap song and show how artistic they truly are. Never thought I would see the day that I would confess such an appreciation.

Ode to NCAA Football 2006

2010-03-03T05:56:00.000-08:00

I am in seminary. We don’t have cable and I have not played video games since I last hung out with my old roommate, Matty (Painter not Baker, though ironic that they both have professions for last names). Being in seminary I have no time but to read, go to school, and go to work. This blog is dedicated to that beautiful season of my life when all of life revolved around the amazing college football game, NCAA Football 2006.

My roommate Chad Langston had an Xbox and it all started where he and I would play occasional games against each other. Chad knows a lot about football. I know some but in comparison to Chad I know nothing. He would get irritated when I beat him because though I knew less then he did, I at least knew how to play video games and exploit the computer. Video games don’t require great info on the subject to be good at them. (I know nothing about being a marine or aliens but it didn’t stop me from dominating in Halo).

I had this other friend, Christopher Rogers (we called him “little big head” mostly because he was little and had a literal and figurative big head). He loved competition and loved competing against anyone and everyone. Chris could get beat in one-on-one basketball twenty games in a row and ask for another. He was good at NCAA Football, though. Probably the best among us. There was no one who could exploit the game better than he could.

Christopher saw us playing the video game one time and suggested that we make a Dynasty. We would each pick a one star program and build that program up. It was awesome. We (when I say we I mean mostly Chad the Purist) came up with rules for us to follow to be fair, such as “if a game is started no matter the outcome it has to be finished.” Christopher picked San Jose St., Chad went a little closer to home with Troy, and I picked the Owls of Florida Atlantic.

Then there was ole Matty. I think I should probably dedicate a whole blog to Matty. He would stay most hours in his room playing a serious computer game that was like another life in cyber space. In this game they had their own characters, own names, jobs, missions, characteristics, and what have you. There was even a way to make money in this game. Unbelievable. I caught Matty one time fishing on his video game so he could get some fish and sell them. He told me that he broke his fishing pole (on the computer game mind you) but not to worry (I wasn’t) because he was able to sell it back for about the same price he bought it for (I was relieved).

In the second season Chad convinced Matty to join us in the social event of playing college football. Matty picked Hawii. He acted like he didn’t care at first but my boy got into it yelling at the screen.

We were dedicated playing over five to six season that wonderful fall at Auburn. All of our players had names and we treated them either with great love or great contempt depending on how they performed for us. Players who had been with our programs all four years were pretty dear to us. I still remember Cameron Barclay, one of my first recruits who eventually blossomed into an incredible linebacker. Chad said he probably never made the NFL but was probably in a European League. Not cool. Chad accused Christopher and me of running dirty programs (video game mind you). That was probably true for Christopher who was under NCAA investigations.

The game consumed us. We would go to Subway and sit there talking about potential recruits and tough games coming up as if it were our profession. It got serious. I remember Chad came in my room with this horrible look on his face. I asked him what happened, to which he went into great detail that his starting running back broke a rib and would be out for several weeks. I was truly concerned and consoled him that his season would still be salvageable. In the end we were not too dissimilar from Matty with his video game fishing pole.

It was great though and I look back as that being some of the most fun I had at college. Great times with great friends talking great trash. FAU will always have a special place in my heart. Whenever I get with the guys we always talk about all of our experiences in college, playing volleyball until three, literal fights in our rooms, watching horrible movies that our other roommate Greg would pick out, though the funniest stories come out of our time playing NCAA Football 2006.

I am in a different season now and I am thankful. I would trade no season for the season I am in right now with my beautiful wife, Susan. It just makes me smile thinking of sitting in our living room with all the guys rooting against the guy who was playing at that very moment. This blog is dedicated to Chad, Little Big Head, and Matty and to the very game that united us to such an unbreakable bond. Here is to NCAA 2006. May you rest in peace.

Grace and Peace

2010-02-26T20:09:00.001-08:00

I grew up hearing the Gospel message my whole life. It was a piece of knowledge that would allow me to fit in with the Christian culture I had been raised in. It’s not that I did not believe it but it was that I had not experienced it personally. I had heard that all I had to do was believe, but there were these other things I heard more that overshadowed the freedom of faith alone. These other things were works, or actions I had to perform to have the identity of Christian.

I tried really hard not to curse. I tried harder not to dislike my siblings. When I was younger I had told my sister I hated her to which she responded that I could not hate her and love Jesus. This seemed a serious thing. A thing I could not achieve. I was a liar. I was disobedient to my parents. I cheated on tests. No matter how hard I tried I could not be very good for very long. All of a sudden before I knew it Church did not have good news but only bad.

I could accept that there was a Higher Being. I knew Him to be God, and not one of many, but the Only. I knew Him to be good and to be powerful and the more I learned about Him the more terrified I was because I knew how bad I was in comparison. I knew there was something broken in me and I couldn’t heal myself. I knew good and bad and despite my very best efforts I chose bad all too often and good not enough. Because of this belief in a Higher Being I knew it was against Him that all my bad works were committed. This was all very bad for me that I just thought it best not to believe…

It was bad until it was revealed to me that that same Higher Being, who was called God, who was good and powerful, was the very One who became Man and died on a tree in order that I would not have to pay the penalty for the bad I had done. This is when I experienced the Gospel. It wasn’t just a piece of information anymore, but it was my very life. This crazy idea of the Resurrection from Death to Life made sense to me finally because I felt that He had done it within me. I felt peace for the first time. This peace came from the grace of God shown to a sinner who did not deserve anything good.

I still struggle and I still feel my brokenness, but God is slowly but surely making me more into His image of Holiness. He makes me whole. Works or actions are no longer my identity but the Gospel. It has consumed every part of me and from the overflow of His Grace and Peace, I am able to serve, love, and have hope in a real and sincere way.

Grace and Peace. This was a greeting exclusive to Christians in the Apostle Paul’s day. Grace was said for the work of God done in the believer and Peace was said for the effect that God’s work had on the believer. In essence it was the Good News that each believer lived. The Gospel was so prevalent and fresh that it was the very thing that was spoken upon their first encounter with another believer. I pray all can have that same Grace and Peace.

For more information visit: http://www.viewthestory.com/viewer/?c=1423

A Journey Three Weeks In

2010-01-23T10:14:00.000-08:00

I have been married for a little over three weeks. I am no seasoned veteran on the subject by any stretch but it is always interesting to get a perspective from a guy still green thrown into the thick of it.

I don’t mean to use a war analogy with marriage. Marriage is awesome and very unlike war. At least this is my experience thus far.

Four weeks ago I had no category to put “marriage” in. Before this, marriage always seemed like a destination that I was trying to reach as if it would be the pinnacle, even the crux of my life. In many ways it has been one of the most defining events in my life. I know it will always be.

What I had found, however, when I had reached this “destination” is that we were not stopping. I found that marriage is not a destination at all but a journey. We are always moving and with that movement we are called to grow.

I am loving marriage and all the nuances that go with it. I love referring to Susan as my wife or “Mrs. Michael.” I love being referred by other people as “The Michaels.” I love cooking together while listening to music. I love playing with the ring that is on my finger. Gives me something to fiddle with and reminds me that I am blessed beyond what I deserve.

I love being able to go somewhere together and go home together. And then wake up together. I just love being together.

Though many things have changed I feel that nothing has been lost in the transition from single to married. If anything there has been more of an enhancement if you will, with one basic illustration being that my best friend became even better.

Marriage is beautiful. I hope this is a reflection of my marriage now, but I say it with confidence because it is true in spite of me; it is a mystery that represents the true beauty of Christ and His Beloved, the Church. This is an axiom, a fixed truth that challenges and gives hope that beauty can always be found despite the road we find ourselves on in whatever weather we journey.

Though marriage is not a place of destination it is a beautiful sign describing the place we do in fact want to go. I am happy to walk towards there now with my beloved enjoying the scenery along the way together.

Tree of Life

2009-08-24T07:35:00.000-07:00

I was reading Genesis chapters one through three for my Old Testament class yesterday and I find myself more amazed that I can read something a thousand times and still find something new. The story of creation I had to learn in Spanish when I arrived in South America. I didn’t know any Spanish at the time and they were just sounds to me. Later as I learned Spanish the story eventually made sense to me. I learned it in Quechua as well, and in all of this translating, memorizing, growing up with it as a preacher's kid, I knew no other story better than this one. Yet, God still uses it to show me new things each time around.

The thing that stood out to me this time around was God put man in the garden and said he could eat of every tree except the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Everything else was fair game. I have no idea how long Adam and Eve enjoyed the divine bliss of perfection in the Garden of Eden before they messed up and ate of that tree but somehow they chose not to eat of the Tree of Life. Considering the only tree prohibited was the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil I believe it safe to say that they could have eaten of this Tree of Life, but they chose not to. We have evidence that they never ate of this tree because God is recorded saying after the fall, “Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever.” It goes on to say that “God placed the Cherubim and a flaming sword that turned every way to guard the way to the tree of life.”

What made the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil so appealing over the Tree of Life? Well, we see how the Serpent deceived the woman. He promises to the woman, “You will be like God.” It was then that the fruit became appealing to the woman. She wanted to become God instead of wanting to have Life.

The choice is the same to us. We have both options before us: to be our own god or to choose Christ who is Life.

Chesterton in his wonderful book, Orthodoxy, says, “Every act of will is an act of self-limitation. To desire action is to desire limitation. In that sense every act is self-sacrifice. When you choose anything, you reject everything else.”

We cannot choose to worship God and ourselves. By choosing one to worship we reject the other. Our choice reflects our true desire: to become like god or to have life. God commanded Adam and Eve not to eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil because He had something better to offer them. It is the same with us. He wants us to choose Him, to choose Life for that is far better than any other choice.

When Adam and Eve sinned it made our position before God hostile. Christ died to kill that hostility so that we could have Life. We see the resolution of the redemption of man when Christ opens up again the Tree of Life. In one of the most beautiful scenes painted in the Bible, John writes,

“Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal flowing from the throne of God and of the Lmap brought the middle of the street of the city; also on either side of the river, the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month. The leaves of the tree were for the helaing of the nations. No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship Him.”
- Revelation 22: 1-3

Good News

2009-08-10T21:52:00.000-07:00

Many of you were with me from the beginning when I started working with the Quechua. Our first trip we went to a small village called Quchumi where we left because the whole town was drunk. We went back and were able to work a day with the mayor only to be asked to leave the next day because the people did not want us there. The second time in two days we were at the point of wiping the dust off our feet but before we left an elderly woman asked us to come back to work with her husband and she would cook us good food. This was enough hope to bring us back.

Many months later we returned with that promise though never to find that sweet elderly woman. We stayed in this small hut and worked with several different people in the community. Working like dogs those couple of weeks, we woke up every day not knowing if we were going to get food or work and even dreading the food and work we would receive. In the last week of that trip we met a man named, Celadonio, of whom we nicknamed “Don”. Ironically we had never met the owner of that small hut where we stayed and it turned out to be Don who became our “Man of Peace”.

The next trip my partner, Andrew, told the parable of the lost sheep to which Don said he felt like the lost sheep. It was clear to us that we had a place to start the work with a man who was interested in the stories. We came back months later to start the stories of the Bible and the two weeks we were there we face much spiritual warfare, losing Don’s confidence and almost losing our place to stay. We were at the point of wiping the dust off our feet but once again God gave us enough hope to continue on. We thought we had a different man to tell the stories of the Bible.

Returning for my last trip we thought we would do the stories with that different man of the community and just use Don for our place to stay and to work and to eat. That man never showed up much to our discouragement but Don asked if we could teach him the stories. It was all the Holy Spirit working in His heart. From that point on he had a burning desire to learn the stories of God’s redemption of man. We got to the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, which was the last story I told (leaving on a high note, eh?) Then I left to come back to the states.

The work was continued through the most incredible men of God. My Colombian partner, Efrain, and Javier from Peru and Roberto from Argentina, also Jonathan from the states kept telling the stories getting to the death and resurrection of Christ. They have worked so very hard this year to see these people hear the Good News of Christ. Facing many a trial and tribulation they have not given up and it has been my greatest joy to hear of their work and sacrifice. God has blessed them as well. On this last trip the last story told was Pentecost to which Don said he wanted to get baptized! All to the praise and glory of our King!

There have been so many obstacles along the way including but not limited to being asked to leave on more than one occasion, having no food, no work, working too much, being in danger by the political climate, lack of funding, lack of interest, sickness, warring within and without; it has been a long road. I am thankful for every step because it bears His mark that only He could have done any of it. I left greeting this promise from afar, the promise that God was not done with Quchumi yet.

The Quechua culture in Quchumi is much like the pagan cultures back during the time of the New Testament where the gods were angry and had to be appeased. The Good News was that Christ had killed the hostility between man and God, and that man could be loved by God who is love. In the postmodern culture it is almost like we have to give bad news (that of our sinfulness before a Holy God) before the Gospel (dying to our sin so we can live in Him) can be Good News.

I share this Good News with everyone because everyone that has read this blog and prayed, God used to bring this man to His throne of grace. Thank you for your prayers. He is our joy and our salvation and He is doing a work above and beyond anything we could ever imagine. Christ is our Good News. In Him we have life and our joy and there is nothing else that satisfies. I praise Him for the miracle He is doing in Quchumi and with Don.

Please continue to pray for the work done there and pray for Efrain, Javier, and Roberto. None of this work could have been possible without the exceptional work from our bosses, Trent and Kay, with their vision and commitment to the Gospel being spread. God willing there will be more to be baptized on this following trip, more added to the Kingdom, and more to tell the Good News of Christ, our hope, our life, and our joy.

Praise God from whom on blessings flow, praise Him creatures here below, praise Him above ye heavenly host, praise Father, Son, and Holy, Ghost. Amen.

The Beard of Aaron

2009-08-07T08:14:00.000-07:00

My promise in the last post was that I would write something masculine like killing a bear with my bare hands or what not. I can only say that if it happens in this post it will be only for metaphorical purposes. I did, however, have to drown two pigs on the Fourth of July in Bolivia last summer, but that is a different story.

This post has been in my mind for some time and though I had briefly touched on it in the post, “Savages” I wanted to unpack this a bit more. Speaking for guys here (though I am sure the connection is the same with women as well and “sisterhood” can be applied every time the word “brotherhood” is used) there is this need for camaraderie, for brotherhood. This brotherhood has usually been forged most inexorably through the fires of battle and conflict. Men have this almost unexplainable bond of unity because of trials and tribulations.

And though this bond is clearly seen in war it is something even more profound within the Body of Christ. There is still that forging of souls through the baptism of fire and tribulation, but because of the unity in Christ the saints have an eternal bond formed in the heavens. This brotherhood is necessary to our survival on this side of Heaven. Even Solomon who lacked not one thing said, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” The Christian life is not one to be lived alone. The men of Easy Company of the 101st Airborne during World War II found their greatest motivation to fight was to not let their fellow soldiers down. They fought to keep each other alive. How are we, who fight against the spiritual forces of evil, expected to survive without each other?

We must put into practice what the Teacher says: “And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him- a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

Psalm 133 says, “Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! It is like precious oil on the head, running down on the beard, on the beard of Aaron, running down on the collar of his robes!” I thought this a funny text because of the imagery of Aaron, who must have had a significantly thick beard, drenched with copious amounts of oil. In the Old Testament, Moses had to pour oil on the priests, primarily Aaron, to sanctify and consecrate them for service. God has called us to sanctification, to become more like Him, and this says that dwelling in unity with our brothers helps sanctify us. We must grow which will only happen by being challenged and encouraged by those walking the same path to the same destination.

It is sad that it is such a rare thing to find. King Solomon found it a difficult thing as he says, “One man among a thousand I found.” Usually the greatest things are the rarest and need to be sought and fought for. I encourage those who bear the name of brother to seek that unity. I am most blessed with the greatest brothers and sisters in Christ who love me, and challenge me, and bring me all the closer to the throne of Christ. It is pleasant and good, like oil down the beard, down the beard of Aaron.

Falling Lines in Pleasant Places

2009-07-29T06:36:00.000-07:00

People have asked me how I proposed to Susan and I thought I would follow up the last post with this one detailing that event. So here it is:

I had decided to ask this past Sunday because it was our 2 year 4 month anniversary/monthiversary and 2 year anniversary from the first time I told her I loved her. We were going to celebrate our anniversary so I figured I could make it on this day, make it special, and not be too obvious about my intentions (though she could see it coming a bit).

We went to Williamsburg, the beautiful historic colonial town, which is one of her favorite places. I had only been there once, so I didn't know the city very well and I was hoping to ask her in a special place. After we ate at a nice restaurant in Williamsburg we went walking and I started looking for a sign for the perfect location. Susan and I passed this nice garden of which she said, "This is my favorite garden of all time." Susan likes to use Hyperbole so I, like Gideon, was looking for at least one more sign for confirmation. Entering into the little white picketed fence area, Susan said, "I have thought about getting married here." Fiery writing on the wall couldn’t have been clearer. There was a tree that gave the garden its only shade, which was a blessed thing considering the heat was unbearable.

I had thought about everything, the nice note, Williamsburg, the nice meal, writing our story out on facebook, everything but the actual words I would say in that moment. I put my arms around her and started telling her how much I loved her and wanted to spend every day with her for the rest of my life and lingering I finally decided to get down on one knee and propose. I was so nervous I fiddled about with the ring and I think I had even attempted to put it on her right hand. She gave me a hug, while I was on one knee. There we were in this beautiful garden her down there with me in my proposed stance, the ring still in my hand, and it was better than I had imagined. Needing a confirmation, I asked, "so is that a yes?" to which she so fervently replied, "yes."

The garden was in a secluded area though I believe besides the angels in heaven we had one witness that was dressed up like a colonial man. He didn’t seem that excited.

We walked around a bit, though because of the heat punishing two British descendants with their cursed pale skin, we decided to leave and come back during the Fall to take pictures at a more congruous time. Later that night we celebrated with her family and it was a joyous feast and celebration.

Dates are still being considered but we are looking at sometime in the fall/winter. I realize this is vague but we only have a vague idea having to maneuver around work and school.

One of my favorite psalms is Psalm 16. Verse six says, “The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.” I am not even sure in what context the psalmist writes or if this is the right interpretation but I have always imagined times like this as the perfect description of lines falling in pleasant places. Surprised with so much joy I can see the lines falling all around me in the pleasant places that surround me (That rhyme is dedicated to Matt Baker). With each step in this path of uncertainty in many areas of life, it is beautiful to see how God has ordered things. Looking back I see how He had marked out the journey from the beginning and in this season things seem to be coming together in a supernatural way that only He could design.

The last two posts have a been a bit on the estrogen side so the next post will be about killing bears with bare hands and what not.

Her

2009-07-24T06:04:00.000-07:00

I write this in the hopes of asking Susan Hall to be my wife. Everyone has a story and this is the greatest one I have ever been a part of. We have always referred to it as “our story” but for me I have seen it as “the story of her.”

In February 2007, I went to Richmond, VA for a training to prepare me to go overseas for two years. I had graduated from Auburn University and had completed a summer in Ukraine. There were many singles there doing the same program, male and female, and I went into the training with full intention to not look to the left or the right and stay single. In all reality, I had messed up so often in relationships and had been out of one for awhile at this point. This was a two year commitment and I had resigned myself to staying single. “Many are the plans of a man’s heart but the will of the LORD prevails.”

Of course one of the first days I ran into her and the first thing I noticed about her was her blue eyes. I was helpless in that moment and still have yet to recover. There was this immediate attraction that I had not felt in a long time and it was quite confusing. Here I was about to go overseas for two years, was happy to be committed to singleness for that time and this girl comes along and changed everything.

The training was for two months and of those two months I struggled daily for a couple of weeks on what to do. I prayed and read and fasted to find out if it was right to pursue it. The main problem of this season was that she was going to one place meaning she hung out with a certain group and I was going to another place which my group was totally different. I was in the uncool region, the South American region, and there were only four of us. Hardly enough for a sufficient clique. I could never get a chance to get to know her sufficiently to see if there was something there.

I kept trying to talk with her, get to know her, be around her but she was oblivious to all my subtle advances. Ironically enough it wasn’t subtle to any of her friends who then asked if I had a crush. It was 7th grade all over again. I denied it of course and then went through this excruciating phase where I tried to avoid her because I didn’t want a “distraction to my call.” I would feel good about it, even empowered, and she would come up and talk to me, or I would have some small look from her that would encourage me to go on putting me in a miserable plight. Susan, of course, was oblivious to all of this.

My poor friends had to hear all the tales of woe as we shot nerf basketball on a plastic hoop in my room. The very thing I feared had come true. She had become a distraction. I finally started to avoid her fervently and focus on my commitment. I am sure I was even rude and awkward in my avoidance. There was even a week or so that I had fully convinced myself that I didn’t care anymore.

Somehow it all came flooding back with about two weeks left to go. I was burdened with this feeling for a girl I knew very little about. Up to this point I was afraid of being rejected, but my biggest fear became going to South America and always wondering “what if?” With ten days left I decided to lay it on the line and go for it. I had nothing to lose at this point and at the very least I would know.

I asked her if we could talk after dinner. I can say, honestly, that I didn’t expect much to come of it but went into this last valiant charge with a readiness for being utterly shot down. My verse for the occasion was:
“The steps of a man are established by the LORD, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the LORD upholds his hand.”

We went for a walk to the swings, of which mine was too small for me as I sat there awkwardly and uncomfortable throughout the conversation. I basically apologize for avoiding her or being awkward. I said it was because I liked her a lot and did not know what to do with the feelings. I had even prayed that God would take the feelings away, but he didn’t. All I was left with was this wonderful burden and I had to see if there was something there. I told her that she was beautiful and wonderful and if she had nothing for me that was alright I just wanted her to know that. She said that was the sweetest thing anyone had ever told her and asked me, “now what?” The most I had ever hoped up to that point was to just get to know her. She was very honest with me that she didn’t share the same feelings but she would like to get to know me as well to see if it would lead somewhere.

For those next ten days we hung out intentionally and talked and told stories. It was wonderful. To begin with I thought we were very different or that she wouldn’t be attracted to a guy like me. I play sports (which I have learned music seems to be a more profitable means to attracting women) and the music I did listen to was of a harder nature than hers. Those are just external examples, but as time went it still seemed crazy as ever especially starting something before a two year overseas commitment. But the Lord leads us down paths that make no sense so that at the end of the day we can truly recognize His hand guiding and leading the whole way.

Her honesty was such a wonderful thing to begin with. We both were very honest. I told her how my feelings grew daily and she told me that she was just not there yet. At that point I was not even fazed because I was being considered at the very least. Honesty in the tough things made me sure of all the good things she told me, so I always appreciated that and appreciate it still. The night before we were to leave she told me she felt the same way for me and we held hands for the first time and I kissed her cheek. The next day I hugged her one last time and did not see her again for one year, ten months, and fifteen days.

During that time I was in the jungles and mountains of South America and Susan was in a very dangerous place in Africa. We communicated through Skype and email whenever we could. There were many times we didn’t get to speak at all. I had training for three and a half months of which we talked twice. She was so gracious with me and she humbled me by her patience and steadfastness. Writing this now I can only explain that it worked because of God’s grace. We recognize it at the time as crazy but we were also confident if this was from the Lord He would bring us to the other side.

The one great thing about long distance is that you have to get to know the person with little or no distraction. I had had this preconceived idea of this “perfect girl,” the unicorn, or mythical creature of some kind. “The One” even. And as I said before there seemed to be all these external differences that ended up being just preferences and in reality we had more in common than we thought. The most beautiful thing though was the more I got to know Susan the more I realized she was everything I was looking for from the beginning. The one who would complement me and I her. I didn’t even know it but the LORD did and He directed my heart to her.

Susan was the first to put the "relationship status" on facebook. We told each other “I love you” for the first time on July 26. We have celebrated the 26th of every month as our anniversary. I cannot think of how many letters Susan wrote me. That was the most precious thing for me. When I was out on a trip the most exciting moments were waiting on Gmail to upload my messages and I would see all the ones from her with the golden star next to them. They were eloquent, thoughtful, descriptive, and lovely. They embodied her in every way and I got to know her in such a way I thought not possible. Though I wouldn’t trade anything for our dating season now, seeing her face, taking her to restaurants, going on walks, I would not trade anything for that season of writing letters.

We had many a tough season as well and it was good to see how we looked in that. We got through them and that made me all the more confident for the days to come. More than anything, however, she gave me so much joy. Always light in the midst of darkness, hope in the midst of despair. The LORD blessed me beyond anything I could ever have imagined. I could not truly define grace before Susan. I regret not one day from the day I met her and I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

On Febrary 20, 2009, we saw each for the first time since April 4, 2007. We had tried to anticipate how awkward our first encounter would be or even the first couple of weeks of seeing each other in the new dynamic of actually "dating." She had become my best friend through our conversations on the phone and through letters but it was going to be interesting how that would translate to face-to-face interaction. When I first stepped out of my car that cold night in Yorktown, we hugged for an eternity, an embrace I had only dreamed about in South America, and the path had led me up to this moment had been confirmed. The weirdest thing was that it wasn't weird at all. We were so comfortable with each as if we had been doing that all along. The LORD had brought us together in every way possible.

We are now in Wake Forest, NC. I am going to seminary and we hope to pursue the ministry in some shape, form, or fashion wherever the LORD leads. If this is posted then it must mean that she said yes. Another testimony to grace. She is far above me in every way; the most beautiful, most gentle, sweetest, loveliest person I know. She is my best friend who knows me better than anyone else and I’d have it no other way. I love her. I love her more than I thought possible on this side of heaven and there is no one else I'd rather spend the rest of my life with. I praise God for her.

There is much more to this story and this is basically the cliff notes version. For the sake of brevity and Trent Jones I have tried my best to be concise and not long-winded. I have always tried to write about the Greatness of God, His mercy, His Grace, His miracles and workings in my life, and I can think of no other story that clearly depicts all of that than this one. The story of her.

Our Strong Tower

2009-07-23T17:39:00.000-07:00

When I was in South America I had to memorize stories in Spanish as part of our method to reaching the indigenous. The very first story I learned, ironically enough, was the Tower of Babel. I remember being quite angry at those fools for thinking they could reach heaven by making a tower. God had to literally come down to see this ridiculous attempt at greatness. As punishment for their disobedience he confused the language making many. And thus punishing me. I thought, “it is because of them I am having to suffer through learning this story in another language.”

I did, however, grow to love this story. Of course it is sad if the story ends there but to see the story of God’s redemption of man it is many stories that make up a beautiful tapestry of love and grace. It is amazing how in this story we can see God making all things beautiful.

Later, in my training for Xtreme Team, I was in the jungle learning how to be a missionary with twelve Latinos and among them there were many different indigenous groups with their own indigenous language. One of the most sublime experiences happened during the nights when we would sing and dance in a circle, rejoicing in unison as the Body of Christ. If anyone knows me at all they know I don’t sing or dance so well and will do my best to avoid any and all opportunities. But even this was too much for my prudery. It was celestial or heavenly. There was just something of awe and wonder about God being praised in many different languages. Though I didn’t understand most of their hymns God did and I am confident it made Him smile.

He took the one language which was wrongly used and He turned all the languages into beautiful symphony of praises of His everlasting kindness. He destroyed an inadequate tower built to unite the people and He became the sole, inexorable, unifier through Christ. He showed that only His Name is worthy to be praised by having to descend from heaven just to view feeble attempts at greatness. He takes all of our efforts as ugly as they are and turns them into works of art. He is our Strong Tower who works in us and through us for His Name.

I will never forget lying in my hammock as my Latino partners strummed the worst out-of-tune guitar in the whole world singing in a dialect I would never understand in a pitch that probably should never be sung and I thought it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever heard.

*The story of the Tower of Babel comes from Genesis 11:1-9.

A Story to Tell

2009-07-20T20:24:00.000-07:00

Gracious, it has been a long time since I have written here. I have wondered if there was a faithful remnant that had occasionally checked this page and I had imagined that with each passing visit they were met with such consistent disappointment. I wish I could give a good reason for the delay. There are reasons, though none of which I am confident are good.

I am no longer a missionary in the jungles and mountains of South America, and though that is infinitely more romantic than working at a Book Publisher in Wake Forest, North Carolina, I hope that I will always have something to write about. I am now in Wake Forest, North Carolina, where I am pursuing the next season of my life. In the fall I will start school at Southeastern Seminary. Susan is here with me and we are both trying to see the Lord’s will manifested here and now.

The here and now is all we truly have as my good friend, Jack, says, “The present is the only time in which any duty can be done or grace received.” Here and now I am, and here and now I will write. I hope that in whatever context I find myself in I always see life through the context of the Glory of God. He is the Author of Life and He is writing my story. Everyone has a story and every story is worth telling.

This blog has become a way to tell my story and I have appreciated all those who have taken interest. In this chapter of my life I find myself in a season of preparation. I am truly excited about all the possibilities that lie before me but I hope I set my feet on the path to get to there. We are not, however, promised tomorrow so our daily bread must be asked for and eaten so we can work heartily as to God and not to men.

I don’t want to miss this season by staring into the next. “Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation.” I want to grow and learn and I realize that growing comes with pain. Every good story has conflict and it is necessary to get to the resolution. I hope to find strength in my conflicts and grace to trust His hand, to be resolved throughout. Sharing my story is a way of keeping me accountable; to always see how God is moving, and how I am moving in Him.

I hope there might be a reader or two out there still interested. If not, that is okay, because I will keep writing. Uncle Hoppy, a British minister during the time of Brother Andrew, used to preach faithfully every Sunday whether there were people or not, to empty chairs. He preached because of the desire borne in Him from God. Christ was His treasure and He shared regardless of the audience. I hope to be as faithful.

Shades of Grey

2009-03-02T11:18:00.000-08:00

My brother was in a rock band once, which I think is really cool. I am not gifted musically at all. I used to watch my brother, who is a drummer, and I could not fathom what he created. It’s that way with my brother in law, Jason, as well who can play so many different instruments so very well. In a way I am almost thankful I don’t understand the intricate details of it all. A beautiful mystery in a way and always leaves me in a relative state of awe and wonder when I see someone perform.

One thing about my brother’s rock band is that they had different names throughout different seasons of their time rocking. I believe the first name was “Someone’s Brother,” which in many ways reflected a softer element of their music. “Chasing Shadows” was somewhere in the mix, but not sure where chronologically. Their sound, however, grew harder and they changed their name to “Shades of Grey” which was my favorite. They decided to move on because it was too close to the Staind album, “14 Shades of Grey,” which had just been released and they ended up with “Beneath.”

I realize that that was some introduction to get to my topic which has very little or nothing at all to do with music. I just admire what my brother and brother-in- law can do with music. It has been good to be back with my family and share life with them with all of our strengths, weaknesses, talents, and interests.

What I found when I came back was a great transition that was a bit difficult for me to adjust. People have said and keep saying that I will experience culture shock but I am not sure if I have, or am, or will be. Not sure how it will manifest itself or even how that would look. I do know that I have struggled but nothing drastically different than anything I have faced before. What I did notice was how I responded to this struggle, which was all too familiar how I had handled these sort of things in the past. I distracted myself.

As I was enveloped with some change and transition I started doing things so I didn’t have to face the reality. I played video games taking the Buffalo Bulls in NCAA Football all the way to their first bowl game and ended the season in the top 25. I started many different TV series and have tried to catch up to what I have missed. I Facebooked...a lot. The thing is endless. You can even play paper, rock, scissors. Don’t get me wrong, these things are not bad in and of themselves at all. I, in fact, love video games, movies, and a portion of Facebook. What I am saying is that there is a grave danger that we can entertain ourselves to death, never really dealing with the reality of life.

Coming back I fell into a routine of putting aside quality time with God. I didn’t want to deal with my hurt or my brokenness. When I am truly reflective on my life, my walk with Christ, my relationships with others I can see clearly the road before me. I can at the very least have a good perspective of where the world ends and I begin. However, when I shoot for entertainment or distractions or escapes I find my vision is severely blurred. There is no clarity as I get lost in the ambiguity of the life I’ve created.

I must deal with my reality and all of its ugliness, difficulties, and hardships. By defining what is ugly in my life I can also see what is truly beautiful. I must see all things, all circumstance, all people, all colors, forms, and shapes in the context of Christ because if I don’t I will just transform into different shades of grey without life, depth, or substance.

I am not totally there and I am not sure if I will get there. Entertainment is not bad, but it should never substitute for dealing with who we are. I just pray that I will be intentional about my walk with the Lord and not ignore my struggles by distracting myself with shadows. I can only be real if I chose to deal with reality.

Reflections

2009-02-04T10:33:00.000-08:00

I am in Santa Cruz right now. It is February 4th, two years to the date from when I started this incredible journey. My flight leaves tomorrow to go to the states and all I can feel is an overwhelming numbness. Crazy considering I have imagined this time from when I began. Even imagining how I would feel. I guess part of it is that I am leaving brothers and sisters of incredible faith with whom I went through the fire and at the same time I am headed back to my family and my wonderful girlfriend, Susan, of whom I have not seen in two years. Maybe with such contradicting strong emotions I am left to feel numb. It´s not that I am not struggling leaving my family here or finally seeing my family in the states. I guess I am just still processing such a transition.

Being at the end of my term I have been thinking much about these past two years, processing what just happened. To be honest in many ways I am not so sure. I confess I came with this idea that I was going to put a dent into the lostness of the world. Even a small sense of ¨saving the world.¨ How foolish I was. I found that I did not put a dent into the lostness and in all reality I could not and will not. In trying so very hard to save people I found that the obvious truth that I cannot even save myself let alone another. This is a feat for God alone.

A part of this wanting to put this dent in lostness was a hidden evil of pride. If I planted a church I would be able to say, ¨I did my part for the Kingdom.¨ It is amazing how an evil so subtle can exist below what appears to be good intentions.

Looking back I remember how much I struggled with the down times when I was doing no work, I had no partner, I had no people group to engage. It tore me up for many reasons and in previous blogs you can see the progress of this struggle. Many times I was in tears crying out to God thinking all these people were dying and going to hell and there I was unable to do anything about it.

People tried to comfort me and tell me if God only changes me then it is all worth it. I arrogantly thought and even voiced, ¨I know God and so many don´t. So why would He send me here to only change me?¨ Later in the year I came to this same struggle and I voiced this to Efrain, my partner. I will never forget what he told me. He said, ¨Graham, what do you mean by you know God? Sometimes I feel like I still don´t know Him.¨ Gracious, I felt like a prophet of God had called me out and I just then realized how foolish my line of thought had been this whole time.

I repented from this and found my way back to truly searching God. Seeking Him. Wanting Him and wanting to know Him better. Here I was thinking I truly knew God when God is this Endless Ocean, unfathomable to man, and I was basing all my knowledge from my view point on the beach. I am amazed the things I learned from that and through that. I am still trying to know Him more and more.

Where does this leave me? Broken? More humble? I pray and hope so, but I am not so sure. I want to think what I did was something special when in all reality anyone obedient to His call could have done this. Anyone. At the beginning of all of this I just wanted God to be pleased. This got lost in my vain attempts to earn that through the work. The most beautiful thing I have found is when He shattered all of that idea and just absolutely broke me. What He revealed to me so clearly in those mountains is that God is pleased in me not because of me but because of the Cross. I feel His smile because of the Cross. It is the Cross that empowers me.

I know this is a long post and if you have made it this far I am thankful. This season of reflection has created more ramblings. Thank you for being a part of this journey with me, though I hope to keep journeying. I had put in my blog ¨Sweet Sorrow¨ that I had hoped ¨that when my time is up I will be found faithful among the faithful.¨ I pray and hope I have been faithful. I believe so though I know I had many valleys along the way. I can claim with more certainty the faithfulness of God.

I leave tomorrow to go back to the States. I may not have saved the world nor even dented the lostness, but I can claim the Cross of Christ which is worth more than anything else, more than anything I could ever do. I rejoice in saying I can feel His smile.

The Excellent Ones

2009-01-29T11:18:00.000-08:00

My partner Efrain and his partner at present, Javier, came back from their two week trip to Quchumi. They picked up the work where Efrain had I left off in December. Today we met and talked about all that happened in the community that past time.

Our man of peace, Don,remembered all that Efrain and I told the time before and still had an incredible desire to learn the stories. One night he even went to the little house where they stay and wanted to hear a story. They were blessed to tell stories up to the point of the Passover. To hear some of the comments of Don, our man of peace, was the greatest blessing. In asking him if man was good or bad, Don thought hard and long. Finally, he just said, ¨somos pecadores, pues¨ or ¨we are sinners.¨ Don coming to this conclusion is a magnificent work of the Holy Spirit. In a follow up question (this was the story of Sodomo and Gomorrah) they asked how he could be Lot who was saved by God by the destruction. He once again thought long and hard as he does then finally said, ¨no sé, enseñame, pues¨ or ¨I don´t know, so teach me.¨

They were not without their difficulties. During this time the people of Quchumi decided to make a sacrifice to appease the gods from sending hail, which destroys crops. While these few days of activity took place Don and the rest of the people were very cold and Efrain and Javier didn´t have a chance to tell stories for the people lacked interest. They stuck it out and kept on. After the event of the sacrifice passed Don´s interest was renewed and they made it all the way to Moses.

Efrain and Javier witnessed this event and though it was very pagan in the practice and they could feel the oppression of evil all they could think of was Jesus Christ. The people sacrificed a lamb, which by their description, did not make a sound to the point of death. These people make sacrifices to appease a god that doesn´t exist all for the hope of a good crop on which their physical life depends. Our hope is that when Don hears how Christ, the Lamb of God, sacrificed His life to propitiate the sins of man, his eyes will be opened to the marvelous light of the Glory of God. The concept of sacrifice is there, but it only serves as a shadow to the beautiful truth of Christ.

I have already been on my last trip to Quchumi and it is now the work of Efrain and Javier. I am actually leaving in a week to go back to the states. My greatest hope is that those who have read this blog and read about the Quechua in Quchumi will not forget about the work that is still going. They are still on the front lines and there is a lot left to fight.

I love Psalm 16. One of my favorites. In verse three it says, ¨As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones in whom is my delight.¨ I think of the missionaries that are working in the land, who are on the front lines, my brothers and sisters of the faith and I immediately think of this verse. They are the excellent ones. My delight is in Efrain and Javier, the excellent ones, for they are in the land continuing the work. I delight to hear how God is still doing miracles there.

Words cannot adequately describe the oppressive feeling when it appears that the community does not want you there. It is horrible, especially being in such a difficult situation in a difficult area that the dark powers have had reign since the fall. It feels like there is a blanket of evil covering the whole place. Efrain and Javier experienced this during the time of the sacrifice, but Efrain told me that He could feel your prayers and my prayers. Please pray for them for God listens. I am sure that the evil who has reigned there for so long will not go down quietly without a fight. They need your prayers so please remember them and delight in these excellent ones who are in the land.

Remember Egypt

2009-01-21T09:51:00.000-08:00

I just got back from Ecuador and I am here in Cochabamba, Bolivia with my team. It was such a blessing to be with the best of friends, and the best of brothers, Matt Baker. I took my vacation for about three weeks which was wonderful. The best part was the fellowship. Not just the endless hours of Bolivian Basketball (plastic hoop inside the house) but also getting deep in the Word, talking, reflecting, and meditating on the Glory of God. During one such conversation the idea for this blog came up.

Whenever I read the Old Testament it always strikes me how absurd the Israelites are forgetting the great deeds of God. There they were in Egypt and saw miracle after miracle. God separated the Red Sea, drowned the Egyptians, rained bread down from heaven, made water flow from a rock. But with each time the Israelites grumbled and doubted. There was even a time that Aaron set up a golden calf and declared that this was the very god that brought the Israelites out of Egypt.

I thought many a time that these people were so foolish for not remembering the God of their Fathers who saved them from slavery. After closer inspection of my life I found I have been just as guilty. I come upon a trial and I start to worry thinking I am sure to die.

In the present, when difficulties arise, it is easy to be caged in by our immediate circumstances. As human beings we are emotional creatures and in our weakness we give in to our fears and doubts. It is amazing when I look back at God´s victories in my life and reflect upon His Power and Majesty. Is the work of God any less incredible today than what He did with Moses and the Israelites? Certainly not! Let us remember that God became man, lived a perfect life, and at the culmination of that life died taking on all the sins of the world. Our sins. We have inherited this promise of eternal life. We, depraved, vile creatures, can approach the throne of God with confidence. Not only that but God has been my refuge through many a storm. He has given me strength in weakness. He brought me safely through the jungles and the mountains; through sickness and danger; through fears and doubts. I am still standing today because He has fought battle after battle bringing me closer and closer to His throne. Will the next battle be any different?

The story in the Bible I most vividly remember concerning this is Asa the King of Judah. At the beginning of his reign he sought the LORD with all his heart. Soon after he took the throne an army of one million from Ethiopia came to destroy Israel but Asa humbled himself and prayed for God to save the day. ¨So, the LORD defeated the Ehtiopians before Asa and before Judah.¨

Asa was king for forty-two years. A long time. In the thirty-sixth year of his reign, Baasha, king of Israel came against him. A much less formidable force than the army of a million from Ethiopia. Instead of humbling himself before the Lord and pleading for His salvation, Asa goes to the king of Syria and basically bought his help with the gold and silver from the treasures of the house of the LORD. Israel ends up being saved but by a foreign ruler.

What happened? Here was a man who saw the LORD route an army of a million. He forgot the power of the LORD and He forgot His need of the LORD. Hannani came to Asa after the battle and said, ¨Because you relied on the king of Syria, and did not rely on the LORD your God, the army of the king of Syria has escaped you. Were not the Ethiopians and the Libyans a huge army with very many chariots and horsemen? Yet because you relied on the LORD, he gave them into your hand.¨

The more we forget our need of God Almighty and how many times He has saved us time and again we grow more and more independent of God thinking that we can do this. Asa did not learn in a sad ending to a story that began so well. ¨In the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa was diseased in his feet, and his disease became severe. Yet even in his disease he did not seek the LORD, but sought help from physicians.¨

It will do us well to remember.

Many times God has declared, ¨I am the LORD your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt.¨ Basically He is saying, ¨Remember me, I am He who saved you!¨ Yet like Asa we look to other means to bring us out of our troubles.

We need to remember who God is, and what He has done. It helps us face the day knowing God has brought us thus far already. I know when I reflect on the works of God I remember He has never forsaken me. When trials and troubles, hardships and difficulties arrive I can trust the LORD my God, who has been faithful every time before. I just have to remember Egypt.

2 Chronicles 14:12
2 Chronicles 16:7,8
Exodus 20:2

A Sense of Desperation

2009-01-14T08:48:00.000-08:00

One of the greatest lessons I have learned is that it is absolutely necessary to be desperate for God. I could not learn this lesson so well in a state of comfort. I could not reach full desperation because I had escapes that manifested in a security in parents, sense of accomplishments in my peers, feelings of belonging in my friends. It was not until all of that was taken away placing my back against the wall with no escape that I began to feel desperate. It is incredible the feats that we can accomplish in desperation. We are left with no other options, no escapes. It is fight or die. So we fight as mad men desperate to reach what seems hopeless. Desperation empowers us.

In the communities fighting fear, my insecurities, constant failure, and facing the unknown I knew my only survival was in God, my Everlasting Savior. I sought Him as my life depended on it. Ironically we never feel this desperation until God takes away all that we are leaning on so that we finally fall into His Grace. Sadly I do not always acknowledge that my life and every breath depend on Him. How much to do I truly seek God in comfort? Not much, I imagine. I am not desperate. Circumstances should not dictate my desperation for His continual presence, but love. I want to be desperate for God out of my love for Him because without Him I am empty, void of life. I live and breathe because of Him. Whether we can feel it or not, we are totally dependent on His Grace in all things.

How many times have I taken the path of least resistance, taking the long way about so I wouldn’t have to face battle, when I should have chosen the hill on which I would die with my back to the sea, with no retreat, no surrender, desperately seeking He who is my Joy, my Savior? In comfort this gets lost in the fog of our own sense of security that is as sure as the wind. Many generals in the wars of men have deliberately put their men in positions of no retreat because they knew in desperation they would fight with such ferocity to live. There was no other option.

I want God as my only option and leave myself with no escape. In all circumstances I want to be desperate for Him. I want to be in the constant state of mind that says, “if I don’t seek Him, I will die.” I will not be satisfied. I will live in desperation for Him. Not only when I am left with nothing, but even when all is available, I desire to choose Him for I know that in the end He is the only real option.

“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”
- John 15:4,5

Strength in Weakness

2009-01-07T22:41:00.000-08:00

I am vacationing in Ecuador with my good friend, Matt Baker, who I met at our orientation. It has been such a blessing to enjoy such great fellowship. While I am here I wanted to write more blogs, which have been delayed by eating and watching movies. I had this blog in mind during my time in the community this last trip.

I struggle. I am not good at being a Christian. I fight fear, guilt, and pride not to mention many other struggles with the flesh. In the communities with no place to hide this comes out clearly. I would have never admitted it but I had this attitude that by being a missionary I would be better and stronger able to stand firm against anything. All that really happened was that I realized I really never had any strength to begin with and my weaknesses were what ruled the day. There was no hiding from this. During this last trip in the first few days I found myself literally crying out to God in my despair as the circumstances seemed to have a choke hold leaving me with no confidence, desperate, drowning in the slough of despond. I was left weak with the knowledge that I could not do it and I was hoping to just survive the day.

“But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, until I went into the sanctuary of God;”

As emotions overwhelmed I was left with only the Word as a voice of reason. His Word became my refuge. Paul says in the twelfth chapter of the second letter to the Corinthians “but he said to me, ‘my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” Here lied my answer, the light revealing my hope in the darkness. Instead of denying my weaknesses and instead of running away from my inabilities I began to embrace them. I am human. I am depraved and selfish. I struggle with pride. At the end of the day left to myself I cannot, absolutely cannot do this. In this revelation I was without an option to shed my pride and beg for God to take over. I was at the end of my rope and for us proud creatures it is many times the best place to be. We can only turn to the Savior above.

When I finally admitted my weaknesses the strength of God was manifested and I slowly picked myself up and fought with courage in His strength knowing the whole time it was He who moved in me.

As light shines, it stands out the most in darkness. Christ says to Paul, “My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” The glory of God reveals itself most powerfully and most beautifully in our weaknesses for man can see it was the hand of God the whole time. God’s power is made perfect in weakness because the truth of His Glory is revealed as our glory fades into the shadows.

How many times did God save Israel against an enemy that had more soldiers, more horses, more chariots? Israel was greatest when she was weak because God took joy in making His power perfect showing that He was the LORD and there was no other by His saving grace.

Paul learned the strength of weakness as he says, “For the sake of Christ, then I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak I am strong.” This is not a call to be lazy or to accept mediocrity, but the admission that besides the Holy Spirit we cannot by any means be good or do the LORD’s work by our strength. I have to throw my hands up and allow Christ to show His great power because at the end of the day I want to smile as I look back knowing for certain that it was His Hand all along.

I take the pleasure today seeing how God did the work with the Quechua. He stirred the heart of our man of peace all by Himself. I endured the work, the food, the uncomfortable conditions because I knew I could not do it on my own and I relied on His grace to carry me to the end. We hate being vulnerable. But it is in our vulnerability, our weaknesses, our inabilities that God can vividly show His Perfected Power. When I see His power perfected I have no claim on the glory that is rightfully His. In weakness I seek His strength making me stronger than anything I can do on my own. When I am weak, I am strong.

Everlasting to Everlasting

2008-12-19T06:31:00.000-08:00

Our trip ended a bit prematurely and now we are resting well in Sucre waiting for Navidad to arrive. This was my last trip to the communities but I am blessed to say it was probably the best of trips I could have hoped for.

We arrived in Quchumi the 11th of November with the hope of telling stories to Santo Filipe with whom we had the pleasure of telling the first day of creation the last day of the last trip. It was his interest in the stories that gave us reason to return to Quchumi without having to wipe the dust from our feet.

We still stayed with Don, the man of peace with whom we had much trouble on the last trip and as always were promised with much work. ¨Siempre hay trabajo.¨ After a day or two getting into the routine (as much as one can hope for a routine that is) we visited Santo Filipe and set a date to learn the stories, which was only a day or two away. When the date arrived Santo did not show up. Disappointed we continued with the order of the day which was working on an Adobe with Don.

During the last trip we had more or less given up hope on Don learning the stories or even having interest. We found him much more agreeable from the first day of our arrival. On the same day we were supposed to meet with Santo Filipe, we finally finished work around three. To my great joy and surprise Don asked if we were going to study the story. I was more shocked than anything that my partner had to respond and say that we would be happy to teach the story.

That day I told the first two days of creation. Don kept saying he wanted to learn and was actually very adamant about it. It is amazing how the LORD orders things, this life, and all that we experience. It is always in His timing, His way; we had done nothing to spur this man’s interest and desire. It was clear that the Holy Spirit was moving in him.

From then on until we left we taught stories usually at the request of Don. Starting from the creation we made it as far as the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. Throughout this time we could see a real change in our man of peace. There was more of a willingness and trust between us. Don was comfortable enough to ask questions like if the sun was a god. Through our stories and discussions we were able to see more barriers and bridges to the Gospel.

There was a change in Don’s son, Philemon, as well. The same kid that mocked us last time during the stories we found sitting at first in the background seemingly disinterested to later participating in all of our stories. He even asked if he could copy the story of Cain and Abel.

After the first few days we rarely saw Santo Filipe much to our disappointment. Though one of the best moments during the whole trip was when we were called to one of the village meetings. They were passing out seeds for their crops and when they were done asked if we could give an orientation of our work. I explained briefly our purpose to which they asked for a story. I then told the first two days of creation. Being a long story I wasn’t sure if they wanted to hear the whole thing. They asked Don if that was all and he responded, ¨No, there is way more than that!¨ I then completed the whole story of the creation in Quechua to the whole community of Quchumi. It is overwhelming to think that God would use someone like me in such a way. One of the greatest moments I have had in South America. After my story they asked Efrain for the story of the fall of man.

During this trip we helped build a meeting house for the community. I asked if we could later tell stories there and all were more than happy to agree.

Throughout this time I was keenly aware that God was moving. Quchumi is a beautiful place that sits on the side of a mountain leading down to a river separating the mountains opposing the community. It was as if the mountains stood as a testimony of the power, the majesty of God. I was reminded of the prayer of Moses, the man of God, ¨Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth the world, from everlasting to everlasting You are God.¨ God, the Everlasting God, had formed these mountains with the hearts of these men in mind. It was beautiful to see how God worked in Quchumi and to see it was all Him. May I never doubt the power and glory of God who is from everlasting to everlasting.

My Portion Forever

2008-10-31T08:06:00.000-07:00

We got back recently from a very difficult trip though it was only two weeks. It was the first trip for Efrain, my new partner, and we were joined by the Director of Prayer for the IMB, Ed Cox.

On the promise of Don, our man of peace, we came back to Quchumi in order to start the work teaching stories. We were faced with many difficulties mostly from our man of peace. He showed up a few days after we arrived and seemed distant even from the beginning. We were able to work a couple of days but after awhile the man of peace appeared to not appreciate us only working half of the day (leaving the rest to study Quechua and stories as well as rest). This was later only exacerbated as each day went on.

I attempted to teach Don the first day of Creation, which is relatively short but his idea of learning the story was to write it down. Laboriously he copied each word after I spoke it but in the end it was as if he just did not want to put the mental effort to actually memorize it. (During the whole time I told the story the son stood behind mockingly smirking at the event). The next day I tried to work on the story with him but to no avail. He only repeated that he could not do it. We even felt that he only indulged the idea of the story so we could keep working. I brought up the idea of a group meeting and teaching the story to many people, which he excitedly agreed and we planned to do it on Sunday in the afternoon. After a day or two I reminded him of the commitment of which he was supposed to invite people but he said that no one would come because of work. During this same day he decided to work without us, though we know he could have used the help (he just told us to watch wheat, which we are still trying to figure out what that meant – though probably nothing positive) and we received no food in the morning.

We thought all was lost or at least our connection to the community. We had no desire to keep pressuring him with the story because that was getting nowhere and did not want it to become a source of contempt. Later, thinking that three people had to be a burden to feed we decided to buy food in order to help out a bit and during this time we apologize and made sure that we were still right with Don. He said it was fine and no worries but if we wanted to do anything about Sunday (the next day), we would have to invite people.

I invited six people in the community but I only had hope in one. His name is Santo Filipe (Saint Phillip in English), a man in Quchumi that we had met even in the first trip. He speaks the best Spanish and we found him to be the best mannered and the most sincere. I had prayed about this man during previous trips but nothing came of it and we would rarely see him after the first day. This trip, however, he showed great interest to begin with and we had a chance to talk much about God. I decided to risk being culturally insensitive and went to his house uninvited to which he allowed me to come into their kitchen (a very rare thing among the Quechua but a sign of respect). I invited him to the meeting the next day to which he said, ¨all would come.¨

As Santo Filipe was my only hope he far exceeded my expectations. The next morning he brought his whole family to learn the story. They were even dressed up as if they were going to morning mass! It was obviously something important to them. I had a chance to teach the first day of the creation of which he learned rather well and during the time (of which I did not realize until later) was that his wife, who only speaks Quechua, mouthed the words the whole time learning it right alongside her husband. Santo even got upset with himself when he got something out of order and in this sincerely showed that he had interest in what we were telling and had a desire to learn. I then moved to the questions after it was apparent he had the story and though he speaks Spanish very well he answered all the questions in Quechua. I took this to mean that it was something so serious to him that he wanted to answer in such a profound way that only his heart language could explain. We were more than excited with this. Shortly after we left for a seven hour hike back to Pocoata to get some rest.

I do not think I can sufficiently describe the emotions and even the physical difficulties. It felt every day we were in a spiritual battle but that the Enemy had the upper hand on us. Almost as if an undercurrent of evil was undermining all of our attempts. I can say that only the sustaining grace of God and all of your prayers enabled us to keep in good spirits and see it to the end. We were forced to seek His mercies and found them anew with the beginning of each day.

It was as if we were constantly surrounded by darkness everyday but at the end the light broke through shining His glory and sovereignty. I am thankful for what I learned during this difficult time. I found that even in the face of failure after failure mixed with overwhelming disappointment I had confidence that I was still faithful in my duty to God and in this I could feel His daily pleasure in me. He is sufficient in all things and no matter what the circumstance dictates He is my portion; He holds my cup. He is just that good that he gave us such a victory in the face of overwhelming odds.

I just realized that God was asking for the impossible. We fail as men as our hearts our weak, but when God is the strength of our hearts and our portion forever we are truly Sons of God who can rise above the impossible.

¨My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.¨ - Psalm 73:26

Anthem of a Dying Man

2008-10-02T17:53:00.001-07:00

I had quite an experience last summer when I was with the Chayahuita. There were two men that died from Malaria during our time there. A day after my partner got Malaria which I was then just recovering from Typhoid.

One of the people that died was a child of about twelve. It was truly tragic and I remember seeing the child laying there and the mother weeping over him. What shocked me was when they buried the child and the other man. There was no service, no words of remembrance, no ceremony, no one wore black. In fact I heard laughing when they put the body in the ground, and I remember thinking ¨how cold.¨

After talking with J, the boss of Xtreme Team, he made me realize that death in this village was just a part of life. It was something common and almost could be expected especially with a disease like Malaria. And so it made me think more and more about death.

Death is a part of life.

One can mostly see in the United States but hints and shadows can be found in all cultures the idea of maintaining life, of holding onto it until the very last breath. With more and more technology we are able to prolong life and stall the inevitable death a few more years. And though life is very precious how many of our decisions are made in order to avoid the risk of losing this life? We make our lives as comfortable as we can as if we were taking some journey whose end was so undesirable that we lose the true joy of the journey.

But what is this life that He has given us? A most precious gift He has given us but also the very thing that He wants from us; that He demands from us. ¨If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel´s will save it.¨[1] (Mark 8:35, 36)

God has called us to die and yet we still try to hang on.

I believe that the LORD has taught us contrary to this idea of holding onto this life. He not only taught this but lived death everyday as He gave up His own will to the will of the Father. This eventually culminated in His death on the Cross.

It is through this act that Jesus shows us how we can have life. Paul says that we are ¨always carrying in the body the Death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.¨[2] It is in the power of His death and of His resurrection that we can experience both and become more like Him. Paul continues, ¨For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus´ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.¨[3] We cannot have life without death.

On this journey to be more like Him He has called us to carry our crosses. This sanctification is not a one time affair but a continual dying to ourselves; choosing His will above ours.

Death can manifest itself in manys whether it is to our pride, desire for glory, lusts of the flesh, unfaithfulness, impatience, or just our general indifference. Whatever part of us that is not wholly devoted to Christ must die. It is a daily war within.

We fear death, but it is only in this death to ourselves that we can be free, that we can truly live. O how a painful process it is. Our flesh fights to hold on, and makes us believe that it holds life and in this delusion we do all in order to keep our identity, to keep our comfort, to keep our lifestyle of health and wealth. To use a line from Tyler Durden, we are ¨just polishing brass on the Titanic.¨

But once we finally let go, we put the sword to our flesh, and just die to ourself the beauty of Grace reveals itself in the purest way to life unimaginable. For Christ said, ¨I am the Resurrection and the Life.¨[4] These powerful words hold the greatest promise. In every death, from the time we acknowledge our sinfulness and allow the Lord to take over, through every monotonous day that we must overcome all depravity that plagues our souls, to the very end of this temporal physical life, the Lord becomes our Resurrection. We rise from the ashes everytime anew, and a little less like us and a little more like Him. It is only through death that we can truly become one with Christ identifying with Him we finally have an identity that gives us life.

And so this is my anthem, sung to the Glory of God. I am a dying man, and not in the sense of slowly dying a physical death from failing health, but that I die over and over again to myself in the spiritual realms to receive life through my Resurrection, Jesus Christ.

[1] Mark 8:35, 36 (ESV)
[2] 1 Corinthians 4:10 (ESV)
[3] 1 Corinthians 4:11 (ESV)
[4] John 11:25 (ESV)

Qallariypi Diospa Ruwasqan

2008-09-30T08:06:00.000-07:00

This is the story of creation in Quechua that we have to learn. It will be the first story we tell in the communities as part of a evangelism track. It has been mighty slow here in Sucre recently and at times it is hard to remain focused. Please pray for us as we continue to learn stories in Quechua in the hope of telling them soon enough.

Tata Diosqa qallarpi janaqpachatawan kay pachatawan ruwarqa. Kay pachaqa mana pijtulla kasharqachu. Yakukuna laqhawan qhatasqu kasqa. Chanta Diospa Espiritun yaku patapi kasharqa. Chanta Tata Diosqa nirqa: ¨k`anchay kachun¨ ajina karqa. Tata Diosqa k´anchayta sumaq kasqanta rikhurqa. Tata Diosqa k`anchayta laqhamanta t`aqarqa. Chanta Payqa k`anchayman ¨p`unchayta¨ suticharqa, laqhamantaj ¨tutata¨ suticharqa. Ajinamanta ñawpaq kaq p`unchay tukuchasqa karqa.
Chanta Tata Diosqa nirqa: ¨yaku uj cheqallapi kananta.¨ Chanta ajina karqa. Tata Diosqa yakumanta t´aqasqata janaqpachata suticharqa. Wakin yaku janaqpachapi karqa chanta wakin yaku kay pachapi karqa. Ajinamanta iskay kaq p`unchay tukuchasqa karqa.
Chanta Tata Dios nirqa ¨yaku kay pachapi uj cheqallapi tantasqa kananta ch´aki rikhurinampaq.¨ Ajina karqa. Tata Dios ch´aki kajta jallp´ata suticharqa. Yakuta uj cheqallapi tantaykusqa chayta mama qochata suticharqa. Tata Dios nirqa ¨jallp´api tukuy laya q´omerkuna poqochun chanta qhorakuna poqochun sach´akunapis poqollachuntaj.¨ Chanta jallp`api tukuy layakunamanta sach´akuna wiñarqa chanta q´omerkuna, sach´akunapis poqorqanku. Chayta Tata Dios sumaj kasqanta rikhorqa. Ajinamanta kinsa kaj p´unchay tukuchasqa karqa.
Chanta Tata Diosqa nirqa: ¨k´anchaykuna janaq pachapi kachun kay pachapipis k´anchanapaq chanta t´aqanapaq p´unchayta tutatawan. Chanta ajina karqa. Tata Diosqa iskay k´anchayta ruwarqa. Uj jatun k´anchayta p`unchaypi k´anchanapaq chanta uj aswan juchuy k`anchaytataj tutapi k`anchanapaq. Chanta Tata Diosqa ch´askakunata janaq pachapi churarqa p´unchaykunata, watakunata, jatuchej p`unchaykunata ima churanapaj. Tata Diosqa sumaj kasqanta rikhorqa. Ajinamanta tawa kaj p´unchay tukuchasqa karqa.
Chanta Tata Diosqa nirqa, ¨yakupi tukuy laya challwakuna miranchu¨ jillanataj phawaj p´isqokuna kay pachapi kachun. Ajinataj karqa. Tata Diosqa tukuy challwakunata mama qochapi ruwarqa tukuy p`isqokunatapis chanta Tata Diosqa sumaj kasqanta rikhorqa. Chanta paykunata bendispa, nirqa, ¨ashqha mirayninku kapuchun jillanataj mama qochaman junt´achun jinamanta ashqha p´isqokuna kay pachapi kachun. Ajinamanta phisqha kaq p`unchay tukuchasqa karqa.
Chanta Tata Dios nirqa, ¨jallp´api kawsachunku tukuy laya uywakuna: runawan kawsakuj uywakuna, k´ita uywakuna, chanta pampapatapi qhatatakoj uywakuna ima, layankuman jina.¨ Ajinataj karqa. Tata Diosqa ruwarqa chay uywakunata rikuspa sumaj kasqanta nirqa. Chanta Tata Dios nirqa, ¨kunan runata ruwasuncheq noqacheqman rijch`akojta. Pay atiyniyoq kanampaj challwakuna, p´isqokuna, chanta runawan kawsakuj uywakuna, k´ita uywakuna, chanta pampapatapi qhatatakoj uywakuna ima. Chanta Tata Diosqa runata jallp´amanta ruwarqa, sinqampi samaykuspataj, payman kawsayta qorqa. Ajinamanta runaqa kawsayta qhallerqa. Chanta Tata Dios Edén nisqa huertata ruwarqa. Chaymantaj runata churarqa. Tata Diosqa iskay sach´akunata huerta chaupiman churarqa. Uj kawsay sach´ata chanta jinallataj allin kajta mana allin kajta yachanamanta sach´atapis. Tata Diosqa runaman uj kamachiyta qorqa, ¨tukuy sach´amanta huertapi mikhuyta atinki. Mana mikhuyta atinkichu allin kaj chanta mana allin kaj yachay sach´amanta. Chay poqoyta mikhunki chayqa cheqamanta wañunki. Chanta Tata Diosqa nirqa, ¨Mana allinchu runaqa sapallan kanan. Paywan kanampaj, uj yanapajta ruwapusaj,¨ nispa. Chanta Tata Dios tukuy uywakunata runa sutichanampaq aparqa. Chaywampis mana karqachu runata yanapajqa. Jinapi Tat Diosqa runata sinch´ita puñurpayacherqa, chaykamataj ujnin wajtanninta orqhorqa. Jinaspari, aychallanwantaj k´askaykuchiporqa. Chanta Tata Diosqa runaj wajtanninta orqhosqanmanta uj warmita ruwarqa jinaspataj runaman pusamorqa. Runataj warmita rikuspa nirqa: ¨Kayqa aychaymanta ruwasqa,¨ nispa. Chayrayku qhareqa tatanta mamantawan saqenqa, warminwantaj ujchakonqa, iskayninkutaj uj runa jinalla kanqanku. Tata Diosqa runata payman rijch`akojta ruwarqa. Qharita warmita ruwarqa chanta paykunata bendispa, nirqa, ¨ ashqha wawankuna kapuchun, kay pachamantaj junt´achun chanta kay pachata kamachichun. Adán, warmin Evawan, huertapi kasharqanku mana p´achayojlla, paykunkaqa p`enqa karqanku mana pachayoj qasqankumanta. Tata Diosqa sumaj kasqanta rikhorqa chay tukuy imata.
Qanchis Kaj P`unchaypi Tata Diosqa tukuy llank´ayninta tukuytawan samarkorqa. Chayrayku Tata Diosqa bendirsqa qanchis kaj p´unchayta. Kay kasahan willay janaqpachamanta kay pachamantawan Diospa ruwasqan.

¨Qallariypi Diospa Ruwasqan¨ means the ¨Works of God in the Beginning.¨

The Good Fight

2008-09-27T11:56:00.000-07:00

I have not yet introduced my new partner from Columbia, Efrain Mosquera. He is twenty-five years old and has been on the Xtreme Team for quite some time. He is rather quiet and usually does not say something if he truly does not mean it. In many ways he has no fear by what he says and has told me many times that I am fat. But even more importantly he is fearless with the Gospel and I have not met anyone else in my life with a better relationship with Christ. Efrain spends hours and hours with the Father and is always trying to be closer to His presence and this has greatly challenged my walk.

This time of waiting and anticipation has been somewhat tough on Efrain. Though as usual he has found a way to grow through it. He wrote this on our computer almost as open journal blog and shared it with me. I deeply moved me and I hope that it will inspire in you in the same way.

¨This is a letter that I am writing no with my own hand or fingers but it is through a keyboard.

I am in my last days of this year and it started to become very slow; the difference is that every day we or really I am a little different inside, and have more become intense in my prayers for these days the spiritual battle is growing in me, I feel that I am in a war without quarter, many times, the arrows of the enemy has harmed me. However, I recognized who God is and has raised me to continue the good fight of faith, not in my strength but in Christ´s, and die every day taking the hard and heavy cross. This part has been the most difficult because I am found with two sides inside: the Spirit and the Flesh. The Bible says that these two are in opposition, the point is that GOD has given me the capability to choose good or evil. But at times I do not choose the good, always aksing God to please help me be crucified just like Jesus did...once and forever. The small struggles will prepare me for the greater battles and of course continue in God with His Word.

The date to leave the community has passed but we keep praying because we have the hope of going and sharing the Gospel. Now we are here in the house and personally I am bored. This time I have used to learn a story, the story of disobedience of man in Quechua. This is a serious thing to learn. The thing is that God has given me the ability to do this because he knows that this is for His Glory, and Miguel°, my new partner already knows the story of creation in Quechua, and told me that he feels a peace waiting for the moment to leave. We think that this time God is using to protect us from some danger or is preparing the hearts of those who will hear the Gospel of Christ, or even working in our hearts.

I dreamed about my old friend from High School, and the made me pray for him, and for all of my friends from my High School. I don´t know if they are living, but it is my desire and the desire of God that they receive salvation like God has had mercy on me. It is something so beautiful to wake every morning and know that it is for the goodness of God that I can or we can enjoy one day more and know that this day we will have the opportunity to give glory to God. In my Study Bible I am in Ezekiel. It is a serious thing to be a prophet of God, but also, is even more serious to be far from God and not know that God is God and always wants the best for his chosen people.

I miss my family, but this morning I learned one more time that if you don´t hate your most beloved and totally give your obedience to God, you simply cannot be his Disciple. LORD, this is my prayer I give to you every day, without reservations or conditions, in the middle of society that every time I am in sin, LORD, I need you deeply to help me walk in this world with your light and your truth and in this way be light and truth to many people that know nothing of you. Only for your Glory. Thanks for your faithfulness and your forgiveness in Jesus, Amen.¨

- Efrain Mosquera

°¨Miguel¨ is my name in Spanish and the name all the Latinos use for me.

I translated the letter so I know there are many errors. I just hope that his message was a clear picture of a man after God´s own heart. Please pray for us as we try to stay sharp and find our satisfaction in the Lord everyday.

All Things and Donkeys

2008-09-26T08:18:00.000-07:00

I used to love to write in my journal. I could express all the joy that lived in me always impossible to contain. I lost a lot of love for many things in my life. This did not result because of my lack of love for the things of the world but rather a lack of love for The Savior. Interestingly how it works: The more love I had for my LORD the more I was able to love all things. It is like my love for Him only enabled me to love more and more. But as time passes and as we finite, fallible creatures succumb to our own weakness we start looking to the result instead of the source. And as that happens we lose all. Of course it would be wrong to look at the Savior only for His benefits, but I believe that is what is so beautiful about our relationship with Him. That as we make Him our all, our everything, when we truly abide in Him and our joy rests in Him we are able to even enjoy those things that we might find otherwise boring or irrelevant. With God at the center of our heart, our True joy, it is as if we see the world through a different lens. I can enjoy all things because in all things He is my joy.

This was an excerpt from my journal while I was in the community. Some things are just that much clearer away from all the hustle and demands of the city. I believe that same day we had to round up some donkeys and they ended up running away from us making it to the well (the same one we drank out of). After many amusing attempts by the two gringos and the whole village getting a front seat at the very new and very ineffective techniques of rounding up donkeys we finally managed to bring them home. I used to think Donkeys were interesting creatures but after that experience I understood why their name became a pejorative term.

Either way, I have found that when we simplify things in life much of our worries fade into the background and we can have a better picture of the Savior.

Greatest Day of Eleanor

2008-09-23T10:28:00.001-07:00

I apologize for the delay in writing. I know there is much time that elapses between blogs but I do appreciate your visits. The delay comes from an overall apathy mixed with indifference. My partner and I were supposed to be in the communities over a week ago but due to political unrest we have had to wait.

It has been as if I have been sleep walking these past few days waiting for life to wake me up. I feel as if I need to confront God and just come to His burning presence.

In that burning I have found that I have placed my significance on the conditional, various circumstances, the changing of the season. I am left wanting because I don´t find myself in the Unconditional. But here is the grind: When I am not ¨serving¨ God or in a sense doing my work I find my life without meaning as if I am drifting. This begs to imply that my significance depends on my work, my actions instead of God Himself. Another form of idolatry that is very subtle as it stands in the high places far away from the throne. I believe if I cannot find my meaning, my worth in Him right now when all I can do is be then all my work and service in His Name is shallow and in a sense defiled.

Maybe e that is what I am finally learning. This could be the lesson that I must learn before I move on or at least just face the day given to me. That who I am is not based on what I do as much as my position before Christ. The nearer I am to His Presence the more I am capable to do His work and the purer the work will be. My significance lies within the Heart of God.

I named the title of this blog after the Smashing Pumpkins´ song, ¨Today.¨ When I was in High School I used to blare this song before school everyday and claim the lyrics for myself: ¨Today is the greatest day I have ever known.¨ Though of course the first time I heard this song with my boy, Dino, I thought ole Billy was saying, ¨Today is the greatest day of Eleanor.¨ I thought, ¨Who is Eleanor and why is the day so great to her?¨ I always thought this would be a great name of a book or something.

Either way I am learning the preciousness of each day because I am finding that preciousness in Christ. The days and seasons are just waves breaking against the immovable rock. I find that the greatness in the day is because of the greatness of the Savior.

So celebrate with Eleanor and me in the greatest day we´ve ever known.

Chariots and Horses

2008-08-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

I am still in Sucre and waiting for the arrival of my mom and our vacation. During these past few weeks my new partner, Efrain Mosquera from Colombia, has arrived and we both have been focusing on learning Quechua. Efrain has been with the team for over a year and a half now. He and Bobby Lane worked with the Yaminauah in the jungles of Peru, where the Yaminauah now have their own church and missionaries to reach their own people. We are really happy to have him.

This time has been good for resting and preparing for the next trip which should be the most exciting of them all as we are going to start storying with the Quechua in Quchumi. Recently I have been translating the story of creation from Spanish to Quechua (who would have ever thought?) and though it has been quite difficult I feel so excited about what our LORD will do through His beautiful word.

¨Some trust in Chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.¨
- Psalms 20:7

A friend of mine told me that they were praying the chapter of Psalm 20 for me while I was in the community. Verse seven of this chapter has always stood out to me. When I was a kid I thought it was kind of funny. I mean why would someone trust in a horse? It seemed to be to me all too silly. But after growing up a little and studying scripture especially in the times of the Judges and Kings I realized how much importance it was to have horses and chariots. The very numbers determined battles and gave hope to men or broke their spirits.

Time and time again when the numbers were against Israel God showed His power and saved His people. In many instances the Kings would lose heart at the sight of the great number of horses and chariots before them. Some even hired other nations to protect them. I reflected on this when I was in the community and though as I kid I thought it funny to trust in a horse in many ways I found myself still doing so, whether I was trusting in my own strength to get through the day or just the circumstances that appeared favorable to our mission. We put trust in the things we think will give victory but reality we are shown that victory is only given by God in ways we would never expect.

I guess that is one of the tests of faith. To look across the battlefield and know that we are in enemy territory and outnumbered on all accounts, and be able to reach down and find that hope in our LORD.

I look at the upcoming days in the community of Quchumi and I know that we are in enemy territory and in many ways outnumbered. We are able to face this with joy and hope because we are there in His Name. We are able to trust that He will do all and eliminate all obstacles in order for His Glory, His Precious Name to be known. Though some trust in chariots and some in horses, we will trust in the name of the LORD, our God.

Lost Sheep

2008-08-11T10:11:00.000-07:00

I am sorry for the delay in the blog. Andrew and I got back about a week ago and he has since left to go back to the States. Also Kay´s parents were here for a bit.

In this blog I will just tell how our most recent trip went. Though it was rather short it was one of the most important trips we have done thus far. My first trip with Andrew the people worked us really hard and at times it felt we were only hired hands which seemed as if the real reason we were there was lost by the people. This trip was to regain the focus.

We decided to plan only to work half the day and reserve the rest for studying Quechua. If the people were willing to accommodate we could stay and if not then we would have had to find another place. Learning the language is of the utmost priority and we wanted the people to remember why we were there.

To the Praise of our Father it was a very successful trip. Upon arriving to Quchumi we found that they had been saving our room for us until our return. We were able to work with our Man of Peace all the days and were never without food.

The first time we had to leave to go study and not work the rest of the day was hard because Don, our Man of Peace, had a hard time understanding and even asked us who was now going to help him. Though a little worried at first, we still received food and the promise of work for the rest of the week.

Andrew had memorized a story, which was Jesus´ parable of the lost sheep. Upon hearing this story, Don was excited about learning more stories in the future and understood the need or our studying. I asked him a few questions about the story Andrew told. His favorite part of the story was that God was looking for the lost sheep and he even said that he felt like that he was the lost sheep.

Though our trip was short we are really excited about what we were able to see during our time there. God is preparing the hearts of the Quechua in Quchumi for His Precious Word. We are just excited about being a part of this work.

I want to thank Andrew Griffith for his time here in Bolivia. Though he was only here for two and a half months the work he did here was invaluable to our team. Andrew, thanks for being my partner and being so passionate about His Glory as I believe you accomplished much here for the Kingdom. You are going to be missed.

Fellow Workers

2008-07-10T09:44:00.000-07:00

As many of you know I don´t exactly have experience in working out doors except picking up pine cones and mowing the grass. This aspect of our job always scares me a little.

We enter into a community with the promise that we will work for a place to stay and food to eat. At times when we didn´t have work we wouldn´t eat (many a time the people were so generous and gave us food anyway). For most of the people they live hard lives and seem to age faster than normal. They work from sun up to sun down with little variation in their average routine. Though difficult we were fortunate enough to help the people and work along beside them.

Every morning Andrew (my partner) and I would wake up with the sun do our usual morning routine and walk outside, sit on a wooden stump and wait for whatever was to come that day. If food came then usually came with it the promise to work. The first few days were the easiest as all we did was seperate potatoes and later spread them out. Though boring, it was not all that bad. The people also made this type of potato called Chuño. It takes a long process of several days to make these things, and there is stomping on the potatoes which we got to partake later in our stay. They are probably the worst things known to man.

Right now being in harvest season the work we did the most had to do with wheat whether it was cutting or carrying. It took us some time getting used to cutting the wheat but after awhile we took pride in our work. (Weirdly enough we began to have conversations about wheat like, ¨that wheat was great to cut because it was long and smooth unlike yesterday which was very dry.¨ We realized we had cut too much wheat at this time.) Many times we spent all day cutting fields of wheat, but sometimes we would have to walk an hour or so just to get to the field.

Our health was good basically the whole time. Andrew got sick one day (the day we had community work day repairing a stone road...good times), and I got sick the very last day which has since affected all my team members. I cut up my hands pretty bad doing stupid things (like cutting my own hand with a sickle). We had to take vitamins to supplement the lack of everything in potatoes. We had potatoes every meal, and though sometimes it was in a soup type deal, most of the time it was just a basket of potatoes. In the end I did not bathe for three entire weeks (new record). We did our best to wash up whenever we could be there was not much of a chance really at all to do so. When I finally got to bathe it was as if the dirt was caked on and took several showers to finally remove the filth.

Though it was very difficult working and living like the Quechua it is of the upmost importance and advantage to do so, if only to not be a burden to the people as Paul did in Thessalonica, ¨for you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to you.¨ Also in this way we have become more like the people, equals, and not just strangers with some foreign message. It is amazing how deep with the people we were able to be just because we were living life like they do.

¨He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. For we are God´s fellow workers...¨

As we keep planting we know that God gives the growth. But how thankful we truly are to be given the privilege to work not only for God but with God. To think we are His ¨fellow workers¨ is a humbling thought but it also gives us strength and hope to face each day. And though our work was very physical and not many people could see the eternal results, we worked with confidence that God was working the whole time and that makes all the difference.

Greeting Them From Afar

2008-07-08T10:12:00.000-07:00

We just got back from our trip to the Quechua who are in Quchumi, a small community of twenty families living in the mountains in the Chayanta Department in Bolivia. To the praise of our Gracious Father we were able to stay for three weeks working and trying to learn culture and language.

In the next blog I will write about the work and physical aspect of our trip. This blog I will just relate about what God did with our time in Quchumi.

We entered Quchumi the 13th of June trying to find a Man of Peace to stay with, work with, and eat with in order to earn our keep while we studied the language and culture and built relationships.

There were many hardships that we encountered. The suspiciousness of the people at first, the food, and the work. We started working for several different people in the community, which turned out to be a blessing in itself allowing us to get to know more people in the community. We, however, finally ended up with our Man of Peace in the last seven days of our stay, which we worked really hard for him all those days. He was, by God´s design, the owner of the house we had been staying in the whole time, but did not find this out until the end.

The greatest hardship was the language barrier. Many of the inhabitants of Quchumi spoke enough Spanish for us to get by, though most of the time our limited Spanish exceeded their level. We had few chances to practice the language but heard it a fair amount. The temptation was great to begin telling the Gospel in Spanish, but to keep the Gospel pure we refrained. It was quite difficult to stay for such an extended time without engaging in any time of ¨Evangelistic Outreach¨ or even start storying. We strongly believe, however, in our method of learning the language and teaching the stories, God´s Story, from beginning to end if not to cheat or rob them of truly understanding His Message.

At many times it just felt like we were surviving. We would get up and work, some days for over ten hours with little conversation (when eating with the Quechua in their homes they usually serve guests outside while they eat separately inside their house). I believe even with the barriers of language and limited fellowship we were still able to build valid relationships. At times long days of work were made all the worth it when a five minute conversation somehow came through revealing their interest in hearing the Gospel. Upon many questions we found out the people have a general idea about God, almost nothing of Jesus, but all have the interest to learn the Word. We have received an invitation to come back any time to stay with them and to start teaching.

At times it was extremely difficult to keep looking down the road to when we could start storying. This is such an important process and during days of hard work, eating a million potatoes, of being the outsiders for so long, we had to keep saying to ourselves, ¨we are doing this so they can hear.¨ Though through this work we aren´t able to see any ¨results¨ yet, we believe it will lead to something beautiful. As the saints of old greeted the unreceived promises from afar we too greet the promise that the Quechua will hear and we continue in that hope.

¨...not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar...¨ - Hebrews 11:13

Beside Still Waters

2008-05-21T07:58:00.000-07:00

My partner and I just got back from a short trip from the major communities in the Chayanta Province. We needed to make good contacts and get some more information about the area before we headed out for months at a time.

The trip was absolutley amazing and I don´t have time or space here to tell how God just showed Himself over and over again. In Ravelo, the first community, we couldn´t find anyone that knew anyone from the church and pastor has left to go somewhere. It started off rough and I remember being so discouraged right from the beginning thinking we weren´t going to find anything or be able to visit all the communities on the list in the short allotted time we had. God was ready to prove me wrong.

We got on the next bus to get to the small community outside of Ravelo, and I sat there on the thiry minute praying hard to God that He would just move and we could see Him move. There was a nice guy on the bus that helped me with my bag (I had nowhere to put it). When we got off to this tiny village, the guy that helped got off too. I asked him if he knew if there was a church in this village and if there was could I talk with the pastor. It turned out that he was the pastor and we had such a great conversation and he helped us so much.

From that point I was able to have peace in His providence and for the rest of the trip things happened in such a way that I looked back and said, ¨That was Him,¨ whether it was receiving food from random farmers who couldn´t speak spanish when we didn´t have food as we were just walking by, or finding the only bus leaving a certain city to the very place we needed to go, but only because the woman at the little store brought it up randomly (or not so randomly), we felt His presence everywhere. Only in His timing and His way were we able to reach each community that was on the list in four days (we had 7 or 8 to do so), though couldn´t have done it if we needed one more day given that we didn´t bring enough money. When we got back home to Sucre we had less than 20 cents between the two of us.

I praise God because I know for a fact that He did everything, brought us to each and every place we needed to go, and met people on the road and every corner who were exactly the person we needed to talk to. At times as we had our backpacks and met other travelers I felt as if I was in The Pilgrim´s Progress and each person, each city, each experience we grew in Him, in His presence, as well as His pleasure. He lead us every step of the way, and in His peace we were always beside still waters.

I didn´t take a bath for four days, and if this was fifteen years ago I would have been really proud of that. I was happy to get a hot shower this time around though.

¨He leads me beside still waters.¨
- Psalms 23:2

Moments of Silence

2008-05-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

I can honestly say that one of my biggest vices and biggest weaknesses is impatience. I am sure anyone can confirm this with any of my friends or family. When I ran track the worst thing about a track meet was the time I had to wait before my race. I would sit there on the bleachers watching everyone else do their event, sitting in the unbearable sun, listening to my CD player, trying not to think of the four hours before my race. It would never fail and my nerves would start to get to me and I would get restless. I was already so nervous for the race to sit there and have all the time in the world before my event was the worst. I could not enjoy a meet until my event was over. I remember being so unbearable. By the time my race came about I was so worked up that I was mentally shot because I had wasted so much energy being impatient. Sometimes I feel I am in that state now...impatiently waiting for my race.

Patience is defined in the dictionary as ¨the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.¨ Also, ¨an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.¨ 1

I never saw this impatience as a serious evil…until recently. There has been much delay since I have gotten out of training. I had touched briefly on this in my other post, ¨Walking in the Wilderness.¨ I find myself still there, still complaining. I have been able to see my impatience, my attitude towards the situation as fervor or a strong passionate desire to do ¨what¨ I came here to do. The Father has been showing me something different, which I would like to think recently but know He has been trying to tell me for sometime.

The evil of impatience I have found breeds many more vices. It is a mother vice. In my impatience, in my complaints that my present circumstance are somehow not satisfactory, that God is not ¨using¨ me, I have found my self doubting, fearing, and questioning the Will of God. It is as if He is not enough in all circumstances. Who am I to not bear annoyance, irritation, or the like when confronted with delay? Our Lord Jesus waited 30 years before starting His ministry and I am sure during that time ¨grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God…¨ (Luke 2:52)

In Hebrew, I believe (correct me if I am wrong) the word for wait is the same word for hope. Or at the very least is interchangeable in the translation to English. I find this to be so beautiful. In waiting on God we are hoping for what is to come. By being impatient I have shown my lack of trust and faith. But I am ready to hope. I am ready to be patient and allow Him to speak to me and enjoy His presence.

In struggling in this matter, my boss made an incredible analogy. Though I know almost nothing about music, he explained this situation like a piece played on a piano. That the audience hears beautiful melodies and walks away remembering the main parts, the climaxes of the piece. But, he said, it is the moments of silence that no one notices but are most essential in setting up the parts that are the most memorable. It is a preparation, a climatic anticipation that truly creates something so beautiful.

I can remember so many times in my life periods of waiting on the next thing and being impatient in the process. I am still learning this, and maybe this is what I have to learn before I can start racing again. But I can also tell you that these ¨moments of silence¨ were always precursors to God doing an amazing work in my life. I cannot begin to grasp to what God is up to now with all this waiting, all this silence. But I wait and I hope and in this, in Him I can have joy and trust His timing. I will be thankful for this moment of silence for I know that something beautiful will proceed.

1. Dictionary - http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/patience

Out of the Grey Twilight

2008-04-18T13:49:00.000-07:00

One of the things I like about South America is that they name streets and plazas after important days in their history. One can see almost anywhere a street named 9 de Agosto or 24 de Septiembre. Though they mean almost absolutely nothing to me (except September 24th is Carmen’s, my sister-in-law, birthday) they have grown into something to celebrate, something to remember, something to reflect on what they were before and what they became after.

I believe April 18th will always have this importance to me. Today, the 18th of April, is exactly a year since a stepped on Peruvian soil to embrace the work that the Lord had called me to do. More importantly, however, it is my mom’s birthday. If you will indulge me a little, I was hoping to dedicate this blog to my mom, Mary Ann Michael.

Where should I begin to describe my mother? She is probably the most wonderful person I know in this world. She is so beautiful, though in her humility she would never admit it. I was so fortunate to inherit her dark eyes and auburn hair. She is intelligent, and discerning, and has a depth of wisdom not seen in many people. She has always been so committed to the Lord and so insistent about doing the right thing. My mom used to tell me when I was faced with a decision that had any moral weight, “I trust you will do the right thing.” Of course this was enough for me to do the right thing. Her commitment to us as a family was second to none, and we never did without. But more importantly she was always there for us, always ready to listen, always there when we needed her.

She is probably the coolest mother in the world as well. On any given day, walking into the house I could always find my mom so content to be watching a baseball game (it could be just as well be basketball, hockey, or football) while doing a load of clothes (usually mine). At all my games from little league to high school she kept my all my stats, no matter what the sport. After the game she would usually give me advice on how I could have played better. She one time caught for me when I used to pitch to help me warm up. Though after receiving a wild pitch in the throat we decided it best not to do that anymore. Since I have been down in South America she always giving me updates on the major sports and it is great that we share the same passionate hatred for Duke, Atlanta Braves, Dallas Cowboys, and the Boston Redsox. She also loves action flicks and novels. And at the same time she has a love for cats, even though at one time she was allergic. I can also say that I have had some of my best talks on theology and life with her, and she always listens despite my nonsense.

I think her greatest legacy has been her battles with Cancer, and how she has overcome them one by one through the strength of our Gracious Father. She has been diagnosed with cancer four different times, and it has been through this that she has allowed herself to grow, to trust, and to come out of it stronger every time. She used to say if she could only see all her kids graduate that she would be so thankful. And that day came, and I started to realize how precious she saw each and everyday. Her continual faith has been the greatest example I have ever seen and I could not be more blessed.

And so today is her birthday and her son is a million miles away. It was on her birthday this time last year that I last saw her. She has been my biggest supporter since I have been here and it was she that instilled in me a belief that I could do anything, because she always believed in me. And so here I am.

She gave me this quote from Theodore Roosevelt that says,

¨The person who succeeds is not the one who holds back, fearing failure, nor the one who never fails…but rather the one who moves on in spite of failure. Far better to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumph, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with these poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in the grey twilight that knows not victory or defeat.¨

And so on the 18th of April I finally stepped out of the grey twilight that I had known for so long I became willing to be in the arena where I would face many defeats and many victories and lay my life in the hands of my Lord and trust that that alone is victory. What I have learned since I have been down here though I have always seen it in my mother is that great men are not great because of their accomplishments, for if anything those are given from the Lord, but it is how a man face circumstances no matter how beautiful, or how dire.

My mother taught me this if only by living it. And for her, for all that she is, I am thankful to the Father who lavishes us undeserving creatures with such a blessing. For her I celebrate the 18th of April, and if I was Peruvian I would name a street after this day.

Walking in the Wilderness

2008-03-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

I am in Lima right now, just got out of the jungle near Pucallpa where I helped with the training that is going on now. I am still waiting on my partners to get their money so please keep praying for them. One of the trainees, Jeffrey Johnson, has since joined our team. He has to have surgery before he can start the work but we are excited about him coming to the team.

These past few months have been good and challenging but also hard in so many ways. The LORD has been working through me in many areas of my life and I wanted to share how. I will try to make this a little more brief as I have received complaints from my boss that they are too long. My bad.

I came here almost a year ago now, all with the intentions, the dreams, the expectations that the Father was going to use me and I would see Him move through a people group and they would come to know Him and His Glory. There have been many things that have delayed my actually working with my people group from arriving in the middle of a training having to wait three months to go through my own training, to not having partners and fulfilling obligations of the team. I have met a lot of frustration having the Quechua in my sights but not yet arriving. I have had in the back of my mind yet surfacing too often the idea that God will just not use me here, that I won’t see the work of His hand.

Reading in Deuteronomy the other day I came upon the passage in chapter eight that says, “And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep is commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.”

The Israelites were given the promise over four hundred years before, and though they were able to leave Egypt having the Promise Land in sight, they still had to walk for forty years until they were ready to receive the promise. It was hard to think that I could come down here for the desire for people to know Him, to be used in this way and after all that was done was me being changed and nothing more. But as I have walked these “forty years in the wilderness” I realized how much I needed that change and I have come to know that if He is going to use me He will use me in His way. My heart is stubborn and foolish, and this process has been necessary and still is to rid me of the things that hinder my usefulness to the Kingdom.

My prayer is that I will start living on the Word, that when tested the Father will be pleased to know what is in my heart, and that not by my acts or righteousness but by the mercy and grace of the LORD I will see this promised land.

“For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land…And you shall eat and be full, and you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land he has given you.”

Lead me to the Rock

2008-02-19T04:09:00.000-08:00

Now in the City of Our Lady Peace (La Paz) and we are headed to Peru for our Annual Meeting for the Xtreme Team. I figured I would take this time to relate what happened in our last investigation trips. By the way, I have loaded many photos of our travels on Facebook, but have yet to do it on this blog site. Sorry about the delay it just takes a long time to download for that particular site.

After many delays we were able to finally head off to Colqa Pampa, one of the bigger communities about a seven to nine hour walk away over some pretty high mountains. My partners had taken a shady little bus the time before, but we all decided to do the walk this time, proving to be a lot shorter...and a lot harder.

The mountains we have to climb over stand mockingly to the east of our base camp in Pocoata. Upon first sight of them I was a little intimidated, then my feelings were confirmed with the ascent. Our base camp sits at over 11,000 feet, so with our climb we reached as high as 13,500 feet, just 500 feet below the tips of the rockies. At this altitude it is hard to breathe, and makes it that much harder trying to climb mountains.

Before we actually left, the caretaker of our house told us there was going to be a huge festival, and that all the people in all the communities would be drunk. With our limited time to do the investigation we thought we would give it a try anyway.

It seemed like nothing went right with this trip. The ¨Man of Peace¨ from Javier and Caleb´s last trip was not there, so we had no where to stay. People were getting drunk at ten in the morning, and so most of the people were incoherent. After my partner got in a awkward situation of where he had to drink some alcohol, we decided it best to leave and try to our chances with the other communities. It was all the same everywhere we went. It was such a sad situation and we decided to come back when this festival was over.

After a day of rest we decided to head back. The mountains this time looked smaller, more manageable and we reached all three communities in one day. Though having nowhere to stay in the first we tried the second, but they didn´t want us to stay, so we went to the third, called Qarchumi. At this time we had been walking for over nine hours and I was deserately praying for a place to stay the night. We had the option of the tent, but still had to walk a good ways to even set it up. We met with the Mayor of Qarchumi, a community of twenty families or so, and they fed us and we were able to stay with an elderly lady that night. God provided.

The next morning the Mayor told us that they had no work and nowhere for us to stay so we needed to go onto the next community. Feeling the rejection once again we left. As we were leaving another guy came up and gave us fruit and asked us where we were going. I told him we didn´t know but wanted to work for our food and a place to stay if only to learn from the culture. This man then gathered the leaders of the community including the mayor and after meeting for thirty minutes they questioned us about our reason for being there (some of them wanted money from the North American) but after explaining our desires, they all agreed to give us work, food, and a place to stay.

The first day we worked with the Mayor, basically clearing a field of rocks preparing it for planting. It was a good six hours of labor. The Mayor kept sticking leaves of cocaine in his mouth and chewing them, occasionally offering it to us, but we graciously declined. Caleb threw out his alcohol thinking it was left over water. This is what we call creating a barrier. His kids were with us throughout the day as well. They were kind of the highlight, laughing at everything I did.

We were really excited about this and one of the guys even mentioned that we could teach something every afternoon. Hoping to do this next morning we woke up with great expectations, only to be shattered by the news that none of the people had any work for us and couldn´t feed us. Once more the Mayor told us that we needed to leave.

Feeling somewhat unwelcomed we decided it was better to leave, but they promised they would allow us to stay another time. The elderly woman, who was wonderful, told us that when her husband returned we could work with him, and that she would cook us something very good. This was good news, on many accounts. We could return in the future and have someone that wanted us to stay and work provided, that and the promise of good food considering the time we were there, it was somewhat lacking.

The generosity of the people was such a blessing from God. The people kept bringing us potatoes and corn. It was overwhelming. Also because they would stand there in front of us waiting to get their bowl back, and after five bowls of potatoes we still had to put it down. God provided.

Not having sufficient time to investigate another area and a festival on the horizon we thought it best to return to Pocoata.

Thanks for all your prayers and please keep praying for Javier and Caleb. We still don´t know about their situation and are hoping to see the LORD work in way we know it is from Him.

Both small trips really pushed us to our limits at times. Between the physical aspect, trying to find our way, the drunkenness and rejection, and just trying to really inquire of God of what to do next, I felt so overwhelmed and drained at times. Though, in every situation, though at times ambiguous and uncomfortable, I could feel the LORD´s leading and the confirmation of His Will for my life. Looking at the foreboding mountains before me I could only think of all the times that God has called me to something terrifying, challenging, and ultimately higher than I. It is in this leading to the Rock that we are purged, tried, and ultimately changed into something more beautiful than we could ever imagine. It is in this leading that I rejoice. I hope to keep ascending.

¨from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.¨

- Psalm 61:2

Top of the Hill II

2008-02-05T15:53:00.000-08:00

¨So Moses said to Joshua, `Choose for us men, and go out and fight with Amalek. Tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the staff of God in my hand.`¨

We are finally headed to Pocoata, my base camp, and from there we are headed out to do various investigation trips. My partners still don´t have their promised money from their churches, but we are going to focus on the work until we have to return to Peru for our Xtreme Team reunion. We are leaving the money situation in the hands of God and while we are out we are hoping for some opportunities to present themselves.

This trip is very important for so many reasons. We have to investigate the area for how to travel in the future, know where the communities are, and study the culture in order to know how to present the Word in stories being sensative of the bridges and barriers.

Our first objective is to find a ¨Man of Peace,¨ someone that we can stay with and work for in order to earn our keep. We hope he will be the key to the community and we can make great contacts for future engagements.

In my partners´ last investigation the people were very suspicious of them and many were afraid because they are foreignors in this land. They did not know the meaning of the word, ¨missionary¨ so they assumed they were ¨Kelecheri,¨ which are people that steal blood from others in order to use it against them. They are a very suspicious people and we are just praying they will be open to a Gringo and two Peruvians, and we will be accepted.

We are also learning Quechua right now, Javier and I. This is of the upmost importance because most of these communities speak only Quechua. Caleb is Quechua, but being from Peru there is a lot of difference between the two dialects. We want to be able to communicate in nothing but Quechua and tell all the stories in Quechua so they have their own church, own Bible, and not just a religion of foreignors.

So, these are our prayer requests:

Find a man of peace.
Open doors to communities
Learning Quechua
Safe and Healthy travel
Support for Caleb and Javier

As Moses interceded on behalf of Joshua and the Israelites, I ask you now to do the same for us. In so many ways the fight is won by those on Top of the Hill and not those on the battlefield. We need the prayers of you faithful ones, and something we cherish with all our hearts. ¨

¨Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed, and whenever he lowered his hand, Amalek prevailed.¨

The Refuse

2008-02-01T06:16:00.000-08:00

Right now I am in a city called Oruro, which is about six hours outside of our base camp in Pocoata. I just wanted to update about what is going on with our team and ask for a lot of prayer. This is quite a long post, but it would be great if you could take the time to read it.

I have two partners on the team. Caleb is from Sicuani, which is just outside of Cusco and is Quechuan. Javier is from Samán, a small community on the river between Pucallpa and Iquitos. For them both to work on our team that have had to raise support from their local churches. They were promised a certain amount, just enough to be able to live and work in Bolivia. After they completed their first investigation, they were out of money and came back to Oruro, which is the closest city that has an ATM, to get money. They only had enough money to get to this city but not enough to get back. When they arrived there was no money in either of their accounts. That night they slept on the street and went without food as well.

The local church was able to help out a little, enough for them to have a room to stay in and some crackers to eat. They used some of the money to buy back the camera they had to pawn in order to get some food. Coming back from Chile, I finally arrived to give some support. We have talked with the churches and are trying to work all this out. At one point Javier called his church and they had told him they changed their mind about the money and didn´t believe that he needed it. Right now we are still waiting on the churches to send the promised money.

At first the guys were really down, if you can imagine. They felt abandoned in so many ways, and felt even guilty for having feelings of resentment. Last night we met as the church and just start praying and reading scripture. To be honest it was really the first time our team was together and had such an opportunity to do so. It was such a beautiful thing. We had a time of confession, sharing what we learned and what we are learning, and as more time went on we really felt the presence of the Lord and our confidence grew that He was in control of the situation and we were able to start resting in that.

We read the passage in 1 Corinthians where Paul talks about what it means to be a missionary, a servant of Christ:

¨For I think that God has exhibited us apostles as last of all, like men sentenced to death, because we have become a spectacle to the world, to angels, and to men. We are fools for Christ´s sake...we are weak...we are held in disrepute. To the present hour we hunger and thirst, we are poorly dressed and buffeted and homeless, and we labor, working with our own hands. When reviled, we bless; when persecuted, we endure;when slandered, we entreat. We have become, and are still, like the scum of the world, the refuse of all things.¨

After reading this passage you could see the change within my partners by the appearance of their faces. It was like a joy washed over any disappointment, any sense of abandonment. We talked about what a privilege it is to be the refuse. This is what we signed up for, and more so what we are called to be. For now we see all these things of hardship and difficulties as a sign that we are in the lowest ranks, the most desired of all.

This is not to say we have faced so much, but only as all this happened as to prepare us for whatever the LORD has for us. That when we face hunger, thirst, sleepless nights, and total rejection, that it is not something strange happening but it is our life as Christians.

Caleb, the Quechua, is very soft spoken and even at times it is difficult to hear what he is saying, unlike Javier who loves to talk and at quite a substantial volume. Caleb shared the story of the Caleb in the Bible, and how at the end of his life he asked Joshua for the territory promised to him. He says, ¨And now behold, I am this day eighty-five years old. I am still as strong today as I was in the day that Moses sent me; my strength now is as my strength was then, for war and for going and coming.¨ My partner Caleb then said, that when the LORD called him to be a missionary He gave him such strength and such a desire to do so, and after all that happened, after so many years of training and waiting, like his name sake in the Bible, his strength and desire hasn´t diminished a bit.

Both of my partners have such a desire to see the lost who have never heard come to Christ, and they absolutley have to trust God´s provision for them to be able to do so.

One day in Pocoata, Caleb and I were eating lunch. We thought Javier was still in Peru because he had not received his money yet from the church. Caleb looks to me and say, ¨I feel as if Javier hasn´t eaten today. I don´t know why but I feel someone is telling me this.¨ Later that night, Javier shows up unexpectedly and turns out that he had been traveling all day and hadn´t eaten anything.

I have been blessed with the best partners, who are just so broken for the lost and so humble before the LORD. Please pray for them, that they can receive the support they need, and just be able to praise the LORD for His sovereign provision.

·Caleb is on the right and Javier is on the left

The Road I´m On

2008-01-30T07:54:00.000-08:00

Part of my job is to travel...travel a lot. After having a moment of weakness, complaining that I had seen no victory (O how foolish I was), that I was just barely surviving. I then started reading in my journal and saw all the many things the LORD had brought me through, all the ways He had kept me safe, and how He had brought me to every place I needed to be.

This is a list that I was able to extract from my journal and expense reports and in the end I was blown away at the Faithfulness of the LORD, and how He had been with me everywhere I went.

4/18/7 - Orlando to Atlanta to Lima, Peru (plane)
4/19/7 - Lima to Puerto Maldonado (plane)
5/23/7 - Puerto Maldonado to Cusco
5/24/7 - Cusco to Lima
5/26/7 - Lima to Tarapoto
5/28/7 - Tarapato to Yurimaguas
5/30/7 - Yurimaguas to Nueva Vida
6/14/7 - Nueva Vida to Yurimaguas
6/16/7 - Yurimaguas to Tarapoto
6/17/7 - Tarapoto to Lima
6/19/7 - Lima to Pucallpa (plane)
6/20/7 - Pucallpa to Samán (boat)
7/8/7 - Samán to Pucallpa (boat)
7/13/7 - Pucallpa to Lima (plane)
7/17/7 - Lima to Cusco
7/18/7 - Cusco to Puerto Maldonado
7/20/7 - Puerto Maldonado to Cusco (plane)
7/22/7 - Cusco to Tacna
7/23/7 - Tacna to Arica, Chile to Tacna
7/23/7 - Tacna to Lima (plane)
7/27/7 - Lima to Puerto Maldonado (plane)
8/31/7 - Puerto Maldonado to Laberinto
9/2/7 - Laberinto to Puerto Maldonado
9/10/7 - Puerto Maldonado to Laberinto
9/12/7 - Laberinto to Puerto Maldonado
9/17/7 - Puerto Maldonado to Laberinto
9/19/7 - Laberinto to Puerto Maldonado
9/24/7 - Puerto Maldonado to Laberinto
9/29/7 - Laberinto to Puerto Maldonado
10/4/7 - Puerto Maldonado to Laberinto
10/6/7 - Laberinto to Puerto Maldonado
10/12/7 - Puerto Maldonado to Laberinto
10/14/7 - Laberinto to Puerto Maldonado
10/19/7 -Puerto Maldonado to Laberinto
10/20/7 - Laberinto to Puerto Maldonado
10/21/7 - Puerto Maldonado to Lima (plane)
10/23/7 - Lima to Puerto Maldonado (plane)
10/27/7 - Puerto Maldonado to Laberinto
10/29/7 - Laberinto to Puerto Maldonado
11/9/7 - Puerto Maldonado to Cusco
11/11/7 - Cusco to Sicuani
11/12/7 - Sicuani to Cusco
11/15/7 - Cusco to Puerto Maldonado
11/28/7 - Puerto Maldonado to Cusco
11/30/7 - Cusco to Lima
12/3/7 - Lima to Guayaquil, Ecuador
12/4/7 - Guayaquil to Quito
12/14/7 - Quito to Borbón
12/15/7 - Borbón to Loma Linda (boat)
12/16/7 - Loma Linda to Zapallo Grande (boat)
12/17/7 - Zapallo Grande to Borbón to Esmeraldes to Quito
12/23/7 - Quito to Guayaquil
1/2/8 - Guayaquil to Lima, Peru
1/4/8 - Lima to Cusco
1/6/8 - Cusco to Puno
1/7/8 - Puno to Copacabana, Bolivia
1/9/8 - Copacabana to La Paz
1/11/8 - La Paz to Oruro to Llallagua
1/12/8 - Llallagua to Pocoata
1/18/8 - Pocoata to Llallagua to Oruro to Cochabamba
1/21/8 - Cochabamba to Santa Cruz (plane)
1/22/8 - Santa Cruz to Santiago, Chile (plane)
1/29/8 - Santiago to Santa Cruz to Cochabamba (plane)
1/29/8 - Cochabamba to Oruro
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2/1/8 - Oruro to Llallagua
2/4/8 - Llallagua to Oruro
2/6/8 - Oruro to Llallagua to Pocoata
2/7/8 - Pocoata to Colqa Pampa (walking)
2/9/8 - Colqa Pampa to Pocoata (walking)
2/11/8 - Pocoata to Colqa Pampa to Taruqa to Qarchumi (walking)
2/13/8 - Qarchumi to Colqa Pampa to Pocoata (walking)
2/16/8 - Pocoata to Llallagua to Oruro
2/17/8 - Oruro to La Paz

2/20/8 - La Paz to Puno

2/21/8 - Puno to Arequipa

2/28/8 - Arequipa to Lima

3/2/8 - Lima to Pucallpa

3/12/8 - Pucallpa to Lima
3/30/8 - Lima to La Paz
3/31/8 - La Paz to Sucre
4/8/8 - Sucre to Cochabamba
4/10/8 - Cochabamba to Santa Cruz
4/15/8 - Santa Cruz to Lima, Peru (Plane)
4/28/8 - Lima to Cusco
5/2/8 - Cusco to Puno
5/3/8 - Puno to La Paz, Boliva
5/4/8 - La Paz to Cochabamba

· The travels that have no description after them means we traveled by bus or taxi.

I take a lot of buses. Many of these buses take anywhere from ten hours to over thirty hours. On a bus we don´t have much to do. They usually blare horrible regge music or show some movie from the eighties that I didn´t know Kevin Costner played in dubbed in horrible spanish. Many times it is a good opportunity to pray, to reflect, and just try to focus on what needs to be done in the future.

I started training on the 12th of August and it ended on the 20th of November. During this time my partner and I would take trips to this community called Laberinto about an hour away to practice stories and just being a missionary.

Boats would range anywhere from a peki peki, which is a boat carved out of a tree with a very undependable motor called a peki (hence the name) to a huge boat called a launcha, where the boat was full of hammocks stretching from one end to another. Going from Samán to Pucallpa was a three day ride.

I know it just appears to be places and dates and nothing more to many people, but to me I am able to see how we waited for a boat for a week because of a strike in a city, how my symptoms for Typhoid went away hours before a two day boat ride, and how no matter what the situation the LORD brought me safely home and always on His timing, which is always the right time.

So, this is the road I´m on and who knows for how long. At times I have no place to rest my head, but resting in Him and having Him walk this road with me I could not be in a better place.

Back to the Holy Hill

2008-01-26T09:05:00.000-08:00

I have been wanting to share what the Lord has been doing in my life ever since training. It has been many a valley and mountain but a journey that eventually brought me to the sweet presence of the Savior.

After training a spent a month in Ecuador with a native of the land, Fausto, that went through training with me. We did an investigation trip up in the north of Ecuador of a people group we are looking to engage in the future with Xtreme Team. For some reason, many reasons, I just really struggled spiritually there. I had a few highlights, one of them being with my brother Mateo Baker and just be really encouraged by his walk and seeing how the Lord is working through him. It was, however, a time I just really struggled to maintain time with the Lord and stay focused. The actual people group I am working with seemed to be lifetimes a way and I started listening to the lies of the enemy that the Lord would just not use me, that He could not use me. On top of this it just seemed like I found myself around everyone else´s family around Christmas time and I just felt terribly lonely.

During Christmas time I got really sick, some kind of infection, and it just deepened my valley. This prolonged my meeting up with my partners and being able to head to Bolivia.

I was finally able to go and I took an almost two day bus ride from Guayaquil, Ecuador to Lima, Peru, that day took a day long bus ride to Cusco, from Cusco to Puno, and then from Puno another bus ride to Copacabana in Bolivia. We were headed to La Paz and eventually our base camp when there was Paro, or a blockade that Bolivia does every now and then, and all the roads were shut down. So, we were stuck. That day I got really sick again. This is when I felt totally defeated and attacked from every side.

I wish I could explain this situation, and I hope to do it justice because it was something so profound, terrible, and wonderful all at the same time. My struggle was that I was attacked with all these feelings of doubt, fear, and guilt. I felt so weak, so helpless, so worthless and I had been crying out to the Lord asking for some kind of relief. And to be honest, ashamed as well, I could not understand why I was struggling so much with all these feelings. I had been in the continent away from family and friends, spending so much time alone for many months, and I was proud that I had survived and was keeping on. It had now felt that the Lord had taken away His protective Hand and was now leaving me to myself, to my weaknesses, to my overall inability.

I began to search for sin in my life, disobedience, anything that was hindering my relationship with my Father. The one glimmer of hope that I did have was that it might have been from the enemy and the Lord had something truly, wonderfully special for me, that He was going to use me and it was something that the Enemy was trying to prevent.

In the end I was really, truly, desperately seeking the Lord, for answers, for understanding, for endurance, for fellowship, anything to save me from the mire that I found myself in, and absolutley helpless of getting out. And one thing that I have to confess is that over the previous months I had been not having much time with the Lord, not in the sense that I was seeking Him, and not satisfied until we had our fellowship. I knew at the time, even was confident, that it had been the Lord who had carried me this whole time, had been my strength, had pushed me along the road, and with out His Hand I was utterly, hopelessly, tragically lost.

The Lord had been walking with me so intimately despite my neglect, my lack of passion, and in order for me to realize what a grave, dangerous position I was in, He let me walk alone for a bit. How lonely I truly was. It wasn´t just that I had been away from friends, family, and any type of thing familiar, but the Lord, my King, my passion, my life had been removed from me and I could not feel Him.

But it is in the absence of something that one finally realizes what it meant to them.

So, to try to describe how it was, it felt as if God had been wanting me to come into His presence, to be in The Holy Hill, to be consumed by His righteousness and goodness...but I was settling for just getting by, walking alone. And by withdrawing His Hand, His presence it brought me to the point of desperately seeking Him. It is really only in this place of desperately needing Him that is an accurate description of our relation to Him. I must be in this state of desperation at all times of constantly seeking Him and not being satisfied until I am on top of that terrible, beautiful mountain, that Holy Hill.

¨O LORD, who shall sojourn in your tent? Who shall dwell on your Holy Hill?¨

I also have to give a thanks to all those who prayed for me that knew I was struggling, and to those who prayed without knowing what spiritually was going on. Being without contact at times can bring me to a place that I am utterly alone and I feel that I am fighting this uphill battle with no support. But part of the lesson that I learned, that the Father wanted to show me, was that I have so many warriors praying for me, lifting their hands on the hill interceding for me, and that I am not alone. To all of you who pray so conistently, you are so important to me, so dear to my heart. God is using you in such a mighty way to carry me through all of this. From the bottom of my heart I give you thanks. I am eternally indebted to you.

Flaming Tongues Above

2007-12-26T10:28:00.000-08:00

Training Part 3
I have pictures posted up now, so if you want to view them they are on my links section on the right, and for your convenience I named the link ¨Pictures¨.

There were many hard things about training. It actually was the theme of my life during this time, but the most difficult part for me was the language. For this I thought I would dedicate a portion to describe the road that I traveled in this area.

Spanish was so important because none of the Latins going through the training spoke English and the training was totally in Spanish. As mentioned before, every English word was five push ups, and for the Indigenous it was the same for their language. I basically had to live the language because it was the only way to function. All the classes were in Spanish. From asking for a bowl of rice to explaining my favorite part of the Bible I had to learn how to express myself. I really had no classes and no formal training of any kind, but they really just threw me into the situation and learned by survival.

So many times I felt like a child and was even viewed as being less intelligent at times because I could not articulate what I wanted to say in their language. At one point we had to read Genesis in Spanish and after seeing what chapter everyone was on most of them were done and I was one of the last. One of the guys made fun of me for being so slow, and I threw my Bible in English at him and told him to read one sentence from Genesis in English and he could not. It took some of them awhile to understand the struggle because they never had to learn a foreign language. But for most of them they were so patient with me and were the greatest teachers and still are.

Even at the beginning I felt like I hit a wall with the language and ever so slowly pushed it forward the whole time. The vicious cycle of it all is that the more I learned the more the native speakers would use more complicated sentences because they assumed I understood more. It was as if I felt that I was never moving. At one point my boss, J told me that I was really struggling in the language. Then he told me that my dictionary was my new novia (girlfriend), named Dixie (after ¨dictionary...still not laughing). I had to have it on me at all times, sleep with it, run with it, do everything with it and if I was caught without it I had to do twenty-five push ups. Then if I said ¨no entiendo¨ (I don´t understand) then I would have to do twenty-five push ups. Another addition to these requirements was that if I could not speak Spanish at the end of training no one would graduate, which gave my Latin brothers the responsibility of teaching me.

This whole process was such a struggle in so many ways. Because we were living Spanish it affected all areas of my life, from building relationships with the guys, learning all the stories in Spanish, and trying to process all the classes. I got so discouraged at one point that I really challenge God on my calling to this place. I felt as if He really wanted me to do this He would supply all I needed, including being able to speak the language. I cried out to God after many weeks of struggling, and just told Him that if He did not give me the language then maybe I was not called to be a missionary. The next day I was able to roll my r´s, which I had never been able to do. It was like a small gift of confidence as if He was telling me it was not going to be easy but I would get through it. From the point of hitting the rock bottom and just being at the place I knew that I just could not do it, I believe was the turning point and it slowly but surely gave me the ear to hear and the tongue to speak.

The entire journey was so difficult but led to truly beautiful pastures. Some of the amazing things were when I would remember something my boss had told me but not remembering if he had told me in English or Spanish. Many times I would just sit and listen to hours of Spanish being spoken without knowing what was really being said but only picking up things here and there. As time went, however, things became clearer and I was able to understand more. It was like the rising sun revealing all of creation and everything slowly appears with more clarity. So it was with the conversations that I was listening to.

I have grown to appreciate many languages because we would sing songs in Chayahuita, Aguaruna, Spanish, and English. It seemed like a foreshadow of the beauty we will be able to experience in Heaven. Learning the story of the Tower of Babel in Spanish I found ironic and even cursed those people blaming them for my problems. But even though it was a punishment by God, in His goodness, by turning one language into many He made it possible for Him to be praised in so many different ways all beautiful.

I am blessed to say that I am functional in Spanish. In all we learned over thirty stories in Spanish. I probably memorized more of the Bible in Spanish than English. Both of my partners working with me in Bolivia are Latin, and one of them is Quechua, and so all our communication is in Spanish. And now I am learning Quechua through the medium of Spanish. I would never have imagined. Please pray that I can learn this language fast and efficiently and thank you for all your prayers for Spanish because I knew the LORD heard them.

¨Teach me some melodious sonnet sung by Flaming Tongues above.¨

True Bread

2007-11-24T17:04:00.000-08:00

Training Part 2
Sorry it takes so long for me to post. I just do not have too many opportunities to sit down and take the time to do this. Forgive the delay and thanks for the patience. Hopefully before the rapture I can post some pictures.

So here the details of my training, basically the makeup of what we did during the training. First of all our training consisted of eleven guys, four girls, and a couple that are now my bosses. it was a diverse group with two Chayahuita, two Aguarunas (indigenous tribes), two Ecuadorians, and four Peruvians. And of course I was the only male Gringo in this training. The whole training was entirely in Spanish. Every word spoken in a language besides Spanish was five push ups. If you can imagine, I did a lot of push ups.

The first phase of the training was all physical. We had a rigorous training of exercises of push ups, sit ups, and running almost every morning. In total I ran one hundred and fifty-two miles and walked one hundred and forty-eight kilometers to practice for Bolivia. In this phase we also constructed houses, using our machetes and axes. They were made only out of wood and leaves for the roofs. While we worked on our houses we stayed in tents. It was in this phase that J (Jeremy, our boss with the tattoos) tried to teach us discipline, responsibility, brotherhood, and overall how to be a missionary. Most of the first month was just getting used to the outdoors, bathing in the river, eating less, and learning to survive in those kinds of circumstances.

The second phase dealt with learning about the church, the history of the church, and how to start in a church in the communities. They put us through what they called, "Virtual Missions." In this they acted out being the indigenous people and put us in situations that tested to see how we would react and what we would do.

The third phase focused on the stories, but in reality we did this from the beginning to the end. The people groups that we work with do not know how to read usually but are usually a very oral culture. So, we memorize the stories of the Bible in their language and teach it to them, from the beginning all the way to the end, so that in this way they can have their own Bible and be able to form their own church that is distinct to their culture. We were given the responsibility to construct the stores and teaching it to the rest of the group. We learned up to Thirty-seven stories telling the story of God's redemption through Jesus Christ.

At the end of the training we were tested on the three stages - the physical, the knowledge about missions and the Bible, and the stories.

During training we also spent time in the communities near our training. We found our "man of peace" at the beginning and this is where we slept and ate and studied their culture. This was kind of our practicum and allowed us to share stories with them. For some of the teams they were able to see churches formed in these small communities. But overall this was a great way to give us some practice and confidence in the future.

As for a normal day we would get up about five, usually a little before and do our workout. After we bathed in the river we fixed breakfast, which we used fire wood and cooking pans. We would then have our classes and during the first stage we spent the day constructing our houses. Even during this time we were responsible for learning the stories. We would eat lunch in the middle of the day which was always the biggest meal. Usually when the sun went down, we would cook dinner and go to bed between six thirty and nine. Not a whole to do in the jungle when it is dark.

The food. Well, we were given an allowance for the week to buy our food from the local market. It rounded out to be about four dollars per person per week. The food usually consisted of watery oatmeal used as a drink, rice, beans, potatoes and the famous pancakes (more like a tortilla made from flour, water, and a lot of sugar. We ate this almost every meal, which probably took a few years off my life)Some of the guys made traps and we (I use "we" very lightly) killed a few rats and an anuje (giant rat) and yes, we ate it. We did not have a whole lot of meat so anything like that we thoroughly enjoyed. We also ate turtle, rabbit, guinea pig, and cooked and raw worms. This might sound intense but to be honest after the first week I was satisfied to have my rice and beans. I never realized how much I idolized food until I was put in this situation but I learned, with all aspects as well, that it is amazing how when taken all my comforts away I can really start to be content with my lot, that in all things I have joy because if nothing else the Lord is my Bread.

Maybe some of you who are reading this think you could not do something like this but after my experience I know that to be untrue. I believe man was made for the wild, for the outdoors. It is in his blood. Sure the heat, the bugs, the rain can be irritating but only in the end it makes you appreciate more and builds more character. I can honestly say there is no peace like one can feel out in nature. It definitely was a struggle throughout, if only after battling spiritual struggles and language struggles you have to deal with nature. For me, the peace that I felt, I know that God carried me all the way for which I am so thankful and could not have done any of it without His Grace. I guess, in the end one only has to be willing and God takes care of the rest.

A Return to Dust

2007-11-21T17:13:00.000-08:00

Training Part 1

I am finally out of training. I hope in the next week or so I can post all about my time in the jungle learning how to be a missionary, but as I know it is hard to read one incredibly long post, I will break it up into different posts depending on the subject. Hopefully add more pictures later as well.

The first thing I will share is an experience that I shared earlier that my boss posted on the Facebook Group site, Xtremers. It was probably one of the most if not the most important lesson I ever learned:

This is my testimony, but in reality it is more of a confession. I am here in the jungle with nine other brothers from totally different cultures and I am learning a lot. A lot that has been somewhat of a surprise to me. Here in the jungle it is amazing at how I have been able to reflect on my life so easily. God is revealing things in my life, ugly, horrible things that exist in the darkest part of my heart that I believe I have been hiding from all my life and still struggle with. We were challenged to meditate and spend time with God listening to his voice. I began speaking to God, and it felt like my words were going nowhere, and God wanted me to listen. Against my comfortable feelings, I began to listen. God began to tell me all the junk that existed in me. I was absolutely horrified by the sin in my heart. Being here, I have been struggling with so many things, life in the jungle, relationships with my brothers here, and mostly with the language. My thinking, though I probably wouldn’t have admitted it, or even acknowledge it, was trying to do this and that to earn God’s favor, to earn the favor of men, to win souls, and in reality I was doing it all for my glory. In my life I had been trying, trying so hard to “win souls,” to make revival happen because of my actions. After reading 1 Corithians 1:17, “Not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of it’s power,” God was telling me that I had been emptying it’s power for so long because I wanted the glory, because I wanted to “earn the crown.” It was such a humbling time, a horrible time, but a time I was completely broken in the presence of God Almighty and I was scared out of my mind. All the things I had been and still am struggling with, I thought I had to overcome with my strength in order that a people could be reached. God basically laughed at me and asked me, “Who are you? What can you do?” It is God’s work to win souls; my only job is to share God’s word, lest I get the glory when the glory belongs to Him. I am dust and my glory is dust. For so long I have been trying to appear righteous before man, fooling them, fooling myself, but in reality, in the light of my Savior, I am unrighteous, unholy, nothing. And what at first felt like such a sting to my pride, was actually a release of a burden I had carried my whole life. I am free to share God’s word and leave the work of transforming hearts to Him. I am ready to listen to God’s voice, to obey where He leads, but most of all I am ready to let myself be used despite my weakness, in order to see His glory be displayed. A part of me is ashamed to share this, because it reveals such an ugly side, but in truth, I feel much freer to share this because I know that whatever happens God will be glorified, and for that I am grateful and rejoice.

In Psalms 90, Moses writes,

¨Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the Earth and
the world, from everlasting to everlasting You are God. You return man to dust.¨

To be dust one can truly see that it is God who is working with His great power for His great Glory. But what a privilige to be a part of this great work, and though we are dust we are still considered Sons of the Living God.

In this Psalm, Moses writes,

¨Let the work be shown to your servants, and your glorious power to their
children. Let the favor of the LORD our God be upon us and establish the
work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands!¨

I will be working with the Chayanta Quechua in the mountains of Bolivia of whom less than 2% have heard the Gospel. Pray that God will prepare their hearts for His message and that He will establish the work of our hands.

Measure of my Days

2007-07-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

It has been forever and a day since I lasted posted and for that I am sorry. As soon as I was able to get out of Nueva Vida, I went to another community before I had time to update. So here it is.

May 29- We head out from Yurimaguas to go to Nueva Vida, a small Chayahuita Village. We get on a very small boat with an engine that resembles that of a mower engine with a propeller on the end and with thirty other people we head out. We are on that boat for close to thirty hours straight, the boat did have a small covering so Big Red didnt consume my flesh. At one point during the evening, we hit a shallow spot, which we had to get out and help push. This was just the beginning of river fun.

May 31- We get to another smaller town, a few hundred maybe, and switch to a peki peki. A boat that is carved out of a tree, and that same lawnmower engine with a propeller is stuck on the back. They tell us at three in the afternoon that we should be in Nueva Vida in four hours. Eight hours later in the pouring rain, with no cover we arive there around midnight. There was a bit of leakage problem that we had to use a bowl to drain the boat of water periodically. Cold, tired, hungry, and wet we finally arrive.

June 1- The first day we get aquainted with the community, learned some of the greetings in Chayahuita. Only a hand full of people spoke Spanish, and none of the women did.

June 2- This was community work day. We wanted to earn our food, and our stay, and just be a part of the people as much as possible, so we sharpened our machetes and started to help. The project was to basically cut the grass throughout the community in order to maintain it. We went to town on that grass, and before long we both realized we were the only ones working, because everyone in the village was staring at the silly gringos hacking away at the grass. I like to think we held our own, except when I reared back with my left hand and the machete was flung a good twenty feet behind me. Luckily no one was there. That would have kind of ruined my witness, but they just laughed at the silly gringo. This was a good day, despite the several blisters, if only because they had never seen gringos work with them in that way. It was a great testimony to what we wanted to accomplish in that we are all working together.

June 3- Sunday, and we went to church, which is pretty traditional. The women get dressed up in their traditional Chayahuita dresses and paint their faces. Most of the village came to church, as the village was founded as a Christian community. One could sense their deep commitment to the Lord. Later that afternoon we went fishing with a net...great fun.

June 4- We head into the jungle to clear it with our machetes and do our part. This was a lot of fun, until the heat and the bugs just wore me down. That night is when the sickness really hit me. I had a terrible fever and my appetite immediately left me.

June 5- The Typhoid totally took me out this day. I was bedridden and lost all energy, my whole body ached and was severely weak. I had a temperature of 104, and didnt drop under 102 for two days. They had a clinic which gave me some medicine and basically just checked to see if I had Malaria. I wont go into the details of the sickness but it was not pretty.

June 6-8- Because I got sick we werent able to go out to the other communities in order to tell stories and train the Chayahuita. So we were waiting until I got better before we headed out. For three days I didnt eat except maybe a few crackers. I recovered slowly but surely and my appetite took a long time for it to come back. I ended up losing close to fifteen pounds.

June 9- Two people died from Malaria. One of the founders of the village, an older man, and a teenager. We visited the families during this time. For the most part, these people see death as a regular part of life (which it is), and at first I thought they were kind of cold, but when death is this common, they learned to live with it and treat it as such.

June 11- Jeff was diagnosed with Malaria. We realized we needed to get out to get proper treatment, and basically leave the Chayahuita do their work because by this time we were only hindering them.We were going to leave this day, but the waters were not high enough. It is dry season and boat travel depends on the rains. We were actually so fortunate to be able to get to Nueva Vida as soon as we did, but the Lord brought the rains for us to go up river. Now we were waiting for more rain to get us down the river.

June 12- It rained all night and most of the morning. The waters raised significantly. We were sure we would be able to leave, at least fairly soon. That night we find out there was a strike in Yurimaguas, the whole city, so we werent able to get a ride. We prayed for the strike to end.

June 13- That morning we find out that the strike ended. True answer from God, however the waters lowered already and there was no ride. We had to pray for more rain and a ride.

June 14- We find out that there is a man leaving this day, but he didnt have a boat yet. We prayed for a boat. We left Nueva Vida in the afternoon on a boat, Glory to God. By this time my sickness had totally subsided and I had my appetite back, which was good because Jeff had lost his, which meant I had to eat his portions as he had to eat mine when I was sick. It seemed to work out perfect like that. For the most part Jeffs symptoms were so mild and almost non-existent that travel was much easier.

We took a peki peki and had to get out numerous times to push. The boat almost tipped over and our bags fell in the water. We were wet, cold, tired, hungry, and smelled awful. That night they take us to a town to rest. We knew no one and had to find a place to lie down for the night. We walk aimlessly into the village and a family took us in and fed us and gave us a place to lay our heads. Lords provision.

June 15- We took the boat to another town where we got on a bigger boat to get to Yurimaguas. This boat had a cement mixer, a ridiculous amount of bananas, pieces of meat hanging dripping blood on our bags, and a huge bull. Yeah, I thought to myself, I wonder how they got that huge bull in here considering there was maybe a hole next it about three by seven feet. We stopped a little ways...to pick up another bull. When I saw them dragging this unwilling bull down the hill, I said to myself, surely not. Well, sure enough, they dragged the bull, kicking and what not, through that small three by seven foot hole. It basically collapsed after the struggle and they tied it down so it wouldnt keep charging me though it tried many a time. By this time Jeffs symptoms were acting up and we were desperate to get to Yurimaguas. At six we finally made it, smelling like manure, exhausted, and Jeff was so sick that I was worried.

The strike, however, was still not officially over, so we had no ride to the hospital. The father-in-law of the man we stayed with brought over some medicine but quickly had to leave because the natives were trying to slash his tires and throw rocks at him in order to enforce this strike. Jeff had taken some medicine, which had a lot of side effects, not so pleasant. By the morning he was feeling much better and we walked to the hospital for there was still no transportation. At the hospital they tell us things we already know, and he took the medicine already that they recommended. All was well, because we were mostly fine by the next day and traveled by bus and car for two and a half days to Lima.

Nueva Vida was a beautiful community with beautiful people. Everyday we would look out and be amazed at the mountains that surrounded the village and each sunset was breathtaking. I was truly blessed by the passion of the people, how they loved each other, and how generally everyone seemed happy, seemed just content with their lot in life.

Our diet basically consisted of green bananas (immature bananas -terrible) that were boiled, with yuca, and soup, sometimes chicken.We bought noodles and fish spaghetti (it is as nasty as it sounds but at the time, it was glorious). That was basically it with the exception of a lot of Papaya, coconut, and we had monkey. Hoorah! We went hungry many times. Many times there was just no food. We bought some crackers and one or two days that was all we had. However, looking back, God provided whenever we needed it. The people that took care of us were so gracious with everything, and I cannot count all the times people brought us fruit to eat.

I cannot express how much the Lord saw us through time and time again. What I learned, what I experience through those two weeks were so difficult and trying to my soul, but it was something that I needed and that I can now cherish. What comes to my mind is that the Lord just totally dashed me against the rocks, totally humbled me. There I was having no Spanish, no training in the area of missions, but there to learn as well. I couldnt contribute really anything, couldnt build relationships not knowing the language, and had to depend so much on Jeff on translation and so much more. Not only that but I hindered the ministry when I got sick.

At this time is when I had such a dark brutal night of my soul. I felt so worthless, so down, so incapable, and all the time I was so miserable physically. I can honestly say that I was never mad at God, but emotions, feelings of abandonment, of loneliness, of worthlessness flooded me, consumed me. Psalm 39 was my passage. I did all I could to not speak out against God, for the sickness, for being dead weight, for the total humiliation, but in the end I did hold my tongue. I felt that God was telling me over and over again that He wanted to break me in everyway, to make me truly know the measure of my days, that my life is His, His to do whatever He wants with me. I felt spent by the hostility of His hand, but verse seven spoke so clear to my soul. "And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is you." This changed everything for me, from waiting on a boat to waiting for the day I knew Spanish, to waiting for the day I was finally trained, to waiting for the season that I could be used. He told me to wait only on Him, that all my hope is in Him. That in waiting for this day or that season, or even for a boat, that God always has something for me right now, even if it is to humble me and dash me against the rocks.

I am so grateful for that season. I know the measure of my days, and I hope that I will spend those days in continual hope in Him. Though they were tough days, lonely days, I wouldnt trade that experience for all the treasure in the world. Not only that God, in the days of uncertainty of about our travel back to Yurimaguas, whispered so softly to me saying "For what are you waiting for? I am here, hope in me." I let go, and God continually showed Himself faithful time and time again, whether it was bringing rain, stopping a city strike, getting a boat, healing sickness, or even delaying the sickness long enough to travel, I was utterly amazed at His Hand on our lives and continually directed our path.

I praise God for all the people that have been praying for Jeff and me. Your prayers were answered in more ways that you can ever imagined. Especially the letters that I received from everyone was such a blessing to me that I was never alone, but I had so many warriors interceding on their hills so that I could make it through all the battles taking place in the valley. Thank you so much. I am so grateful for all of you.

In the end we gathered a lot of information about the Chayahuita and recruited two guys to come to the training in August that I will be going through as well. Jeff, in the past few weeks, received more extensive training about how to train, and he might be going back to Nueva Vida in August to help once again with the work there. If nothing else, I grew so close with my Savior, and I am so thankful to draw ever so close to His presence, even it was a painful process of peeling all the pride and the flesh off my heart.

I will try to add some pictures to this post and will shortly post about the most recent travel. Right now I am in Pucallpa about to travel to Lima to get my residency. Pray for our country because it is in turmoil right now and there are strikes happening everywhere. But what do I wait, my hope is in Him.

Top of the Hill

2007-05-21T13:51:00.000-07:00

In Exodus 17, Israel faces Amalek. Joshua was chosen to pick the men and be their commander and to fight against the enemy. All the while Moses went to the top of the Hill with the staff of God to intercede on behalf of Joshua and Israel. Whenever, his arms were raised, the Israelites started to overcome the enemy, but when Moses grew tired and lowered his arms, the Israelites began to fall. I believe this to be so true on so many levels. That Joshua did not gain the victory, nor even the Israelites, but only through God. He allowed the victory through the intercession of Moses on top of the hill. I honestly, without a doubt, know that I cannot face the enemy unless I have intercession. Unless I have people on top of the hill. My hope is that you will remember me, so that God can have the victory in whatever He asks me to do. Your prayers are so greatly appreciated and I need them so desperately.

Just some prayer concerns for the next two to three months:

1. Obedience in whatever He asks us to do
2. The Chayahuita in their training and that they will be able to reach their cousin people groups
3. Health and Protection for me and my partner Jeff Hill (Diego on my Fellow Sojourner)
4. Learning Spanish for me and Chayahuita for both Jeff and me
5. Physical, Spiritual, and Emotional endurance through the heat, the bugs, the work, the hunger
6. Being able to adapt to the culture and be sensitive in that way

Thanks for all your prayers. I already feel them giving me more and more grace to do what He has called me to do. I am confident that your prayers will be answered by the end of this brief journey and that I will be able to share with you in each and everyway that He showed Himself faithful.

¨But Moses´ hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.¨
-Exodus 17:12

Half the Battle

2007-05-18T08:45:00.001-07:00

The last post was kind of serious. I hope this one is a little lighter, but maybe still of some value.
When I first went out into the jungle, I took all the things I needed. Shirts, socks, pants, soap, you know, the essentials. Well, an epiphany came upon me that I had not packed any of my boxers. The only boxers being the ones I had on at the time. A glimmer of hope resided in me that Jeremy, my leader, might take me back to get some. Upon asking my fearless leader, he simply replied, ¨man, that sucks.¨ And as I walked away, humbled in defeat, he called back to me adding to his first comment, ¨You know what the G.I Joe saying is...now you know, and knowing is half the battle.¨ He was quite amused at this, which in fact was amusing, but better if it was at the expense of another.
Needless to say, I experienced the jungle commando style (sorry if this offends anyone, not sure why, men used to run naked in the Olympics, maybe not a sound argument). If nothing else, I did learn that I didn´t need my boxers. I survived, and it was actually an experience that helped me realize something. That so many times we depend on so many things that are not necessary. They are comforts or even luxuries, but not having boxers was one less thing to wash and keep up with. It proved to be more efficient.
Knowing is Half the Battle, and we never know until we experience it. Whether that be hardship, suffering, even love. Books don´t suffice, even seeing someone else go through the fire is not enough for us to be able to know what it is like when we are tested. Experience is knowledged.
Some of the things I have eaten have been pig intestines, a pig´s foot that was used during a class on stitching (we don´t get much meat in the jungle, I believe I ate the cartiliage all on that foot), papaya, which is amazing by the way. Our main food usually consisted of rice and an egg or oatmeal for breakfast. We fried many a bananna which surprisingly tasted so close to French fries. I guess when you are hungry it doesn´t matter. I had a piece of Armadillo, and some of the other guys had killed a snake and fried it before I had arrived. I hate that I had missed out.
Walking to my ¨casa¨or house, which was made by my partners, I had to cross over two small creeks, one which was about fifteen feet wide, the other about ten. Our ¨bridges¨were trees cut down and placed over the chasm. Yes, it was a chasm. Shoes proved to be the clumsiest, as I fell many a time, and bruised up my legs pretty well. My pride was hurt worse but fortunately no one saw. It was best to walk barefoot, because that was when one had the most balance. But it also opened up the possibility of any number of things biting or who knows what. I had a ¨piki¨ or some little buglike creature that had made its home in my big toe. I didn´t think much of it, but did wonder why my right foot was missing the same bump. After it turned black I realized something probably should be done, and yeah, I cut it out with my knife. A lot of grossness came out that I won´t detail here, but I believe I got it all and all is well...I hope.
I am sure this is only a taste of what I will experience, the good with the bad, but we must praise Him for both. I have had a lot of fun, and I have enjoyed the fellowship with the guys here. I believe in what our mission is, and to hear from the reports from the other guys´ trips I am greatly encouraged. I hope you guys are encouraged too. I have felt the strength of your prayers and memories of all of you give me much joy and peace. God is faithful, He always is.

Down a Muddy Peruvian Road

2007-05-17T09:50:00.000-07:00

Well, this is really the first time I have had a chance to blog since I have gotten down here. I am extremely limited in all forms of communication, so I hope that mercy will be given. So here is a quick update.
I am in Puerto Maldanado, which is a small city in the far southeast corner of the country. When I came, Jeremy, the Xtreme Team Leader, was in the process of training ten guys and three girls. They had about a month of training left. So for a little over two and a half weeks I stayed with the guys in training. There were two gringos (those of American Nationality), an Equadorian, and the rest were from various indigenous tribes throughout the country. The camp was in the middle of the jungle, where we had to bathe and wash clothes in the river, cook all our food from a camp fire, and basically endure nature and all its glory. It is amazing how many things I have taken for granted.
I don´t know Spanish, which I have been quickly assimilated with the guys. I was put into a group of three guys that we shared a house (which was built out of logs cut from machetes), and cooking. None of them spoke English, so needless to say we had some interesting conversations. I just hope that in my attempt to learn the language I didn´t offend anyone too bad.
Every morning we ran and did many excercises. The first day it rained hard in the morning. The route we ran, which was four miles, seemed uphill there and back, and with the mud I had a hard time finding my balance (which proved to be a consistent theme), but obviously the Peruvians had no trouble as they smoked me. Some not even wearing shoes. Humbling.
Well, upon running down that muddy Peruvian road, rain drenching me as I tried my hardest not to fall down the hills, I smiled to think that there was no other place I rather be. God has chosen me to be here for such a time as this.
Having said that, God has really put me through the fire since I have arrived. I have been challenged so greatly in spirit. I have been attacked spiritually, physically, emotionall, and mentally. Satan has tried to put so many doubts about my abilities, or lack thereof, and just try to rob me of my joy in God´s strength. I have to always come back to the reality that God is powerful enough to take my weaknesses and turn them into something that can be used. I just have to be willing to be pruned and refined. I have been sick with a sinus infection, my skin broke out in a rash, I have never felt hunger and thirst as I did in the jungle, the heat has worn me down, all the while I am trying my best to learn a language and be of some use to the guys. It is a good thing God doesn´t call the strong or the wise, but the weak and foolish. The latter two I have proven again and again that I qualify.
In everyway God has revealed more and more weaknesses, places where I need to grow. I have died a thousand deaths here, but what is wonderful is that God has raised me to new life a thousand times.
The guys had their graduation, which I will have to go through training, which is three months long, starting on August 20. Until then I am going with Jeff, one of the guys that just got done with training, to a Chyahuita Village where we will help another guy from training raise up a team to reach other indigenous tribes nearby. I will be out for three months and come back right before training starts. Not knowing Spanish or Chyahuita, obviously I will be a little overwhelmed, but if you can pray, pray that I will excel in the languages and can be of some use to the ministry. We have to be diligent in becoming like the people we will work with. Eat like them, work like them, and pick up much of their culture so that the Gospel and the training can flow and be received well. Pray for that sensitivity.
I appreciate everyone´s support and I hope that I will be able to update this again soon, but if not it will be mid August. Just remember me, and pray that I am faithful in all that I am called to do. Especially pray for the Chyahuita in that God will do an amazing work in them. I hope to maybe add to this blog when I have more time.

God Waits

2007-04-16T14:15:00.000-07:00

It has been over year since I started the whole Journeyman process. So much has happened since I took that initial step into the unknown. From the first day of the process, through the three stages of the written application, finally going to the screening conference to find out what job I was going to do, and then going through two months of orientation there has been a lot of time to think this through. A lot of waiting.
In all reality much of life is waiting. Yet have we not lost the mentality that “good things come to those who wait?” In this corporate America of fast food, high speed internet, and instant messaging there is little room for any idea of waiting. The expectation is that if we can’t have it now it is not worth having. We use this same approach with God in how we spend time with Him. As we pray we expect immediate results, visible results. Or when difficult times arrive we fail to see the growth that comes through trials and tribulations. We suffer because we don’t know what longsuffering is.
The toughest time for me is when I am at a place that I don’t have a direct word from God. I am in a pickle between two different roads and I rush to go down one without really waiting on God to reveal to me what His will is. I have learned so much over the past year through this great waiting period. Going from one event to another, always in anxious expectation of the next season in life I miss what I am experiencing in the here and now, which is my fellowship with Christ. He is always present, always here with me, and what greater privilege is there than to enjoy Him?
Isaiah 30:18 says, “Blessed are all those who wait on Him.” I took this as my personal verse for the longest time, because of the whole blessing factor. But I truly missed what this was actually saying. If we wait on God it’s not that we get a blessing as a reward, but that the actual process of waiting is the blessing. When we wait on God, we show that we are truly trusting God, making Him our trust. Waiting is trusting. When this happens we depend so much on God that we don’t limit God in what He will do in our lives.
Looking back on this verse one thing that I looked over that is so essential in our relationship with God is the first part of the verse. “Therefore, the Lord waits to be gracious to you.” At first glance this seems that we should just expect blessings at any second because of God’s eagerness to bless. What I failed to realize is that God is waiting for me. For me it is sometimes hard to imagine God’s patience. His patience with my whole life in my sin, my walk, and my calling. I felt a strong call to missions when I was fourteen but I ran away from that calling. It wasn’t until a year ago that I took up the path that God had planned for me. God has had this beautiful plan for my life, blessings indescribable, but I ran to what I thought were greener pastures, safer pastures. God waited and waited to be Gracious to me, He waited for me to respond, for me to obey. He patiently allowed me to run from my calling, and even led me to a cave where wind, earthquakes, and fire passed, yet spoke to me in a still small voice, asking me what I was doing there and why I wasn’t where He wanted me to be.
God is so gracious, and is eager to bless us, but many times it is we who have to act in loving obedience. As I have said I have waited for this moment for about a year now, where I will be headed overseas to fulfill my calling. God has been waiting since the foundation of the world. What I have found that many a time when I thought I was waiting on God, it was God who was waiting on me.

Sweet Sorrow

2007-04-06T13:48:00.000-07:00

Back in Florida, I sit down reminiscing over the past two months and I can only smile at the Grace given so bountifully. Who am I to receive such? Entering orientation I was full of anxiety and little to no expectations about what was going to happen. I desired to be faithful and obedient but knowing myself I was afraid to fall as so many times before. Immediately I felt a huge burden weighing my soul down that I was literally forced to be humbled to my knees. My sole desire became to know Christ, know Him personally, Him intimately, to be so close it hurt; I would worry about the details later. What happened was a wonderful two months filled with great difficulty but greater glory, always leading me to the throne of His Grace. Though I fell into many a “slough of despond” God always provided a companion on the other side to lift me out. Passing through this world as a pilgrim I cherish the company of the other pilgrims on the same path to the Celestial City. My travels couldn’t have been made without the Faithful and Hopeful that accompanied me. This is what makes our departure so bittersweet. Each assigned to their own battlefield, we must part. In our parting we are left with sweet memories mingled with the sorrow of being without the other. Though we take different roads for the King we will meet at the same destination on the other side of His Good Will. I pray that when my time is up I will be found faithful among the faithful.

A Blossoming Fig Tree

2007-04-02T18:23:00.000-07:00

God gives so graciously to all His Beloved children. His blessings are almost too great for our depraved souls to comprehend. What I find so evident in this world and in my own life is that though God's blessings are so wonderful they always are in danger of becoming our greatest curses. The light from the sun, the fruit from the trees, the water from the streams, all things given by our Father are given from His pure Love. The purpose of His gifts is to always lead us to the throne of God, to have fellowship with our Maker, the Maker of all things; Gifts are to be a reflection of God as our Creator. The view now has reversed in that people view God as a means to be led to the throne of their desires and their pleasures, only to be mastered by them. The phrase is accurate, "the things you own soon own you." In John 6:26, Jesus says to the people from the five thousand He fed with fish and loaves, "you are seeking me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of loaves." How many times do we seek the gifts and not the Giver, the creation and not the Creator? I am not without guilt. As I see a blossoming fig tree and I am grateful for the fruit, but though it might satisfy the hunger of my flesh, it will never satisfy the hunger in my soul. This desire so foreign to any worldly pleasures can only be satisfied in our fellowship with God. Our creator has given us all things to enjoy them, but not to have our joy in them. C.S. Lewis says, “When a love becomes a god, it becomes a demon.” At any point we must be willing to walk away, to die to our pleasures so we can have the ultimate pleasure in Him. We praise God for the blossoming fig tree, but we should praise Him without it as well. With Habakkuk we should always be able to say, “Though the fig tree should not blossom…yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will take joy in the God of my salvation.” (Hakakkuk 3:17,18)

Savages

2007-03-25T13:31:00.000-07:00

I figured since I am here at Rockville, VA, and there is not a whole lot of action going on now, that I will try to post every week about what I am learning or experiencing until I get on the field. I credit Parker Windle for the use of the word, Savage. One of the greatest joys of being here during orientation is having fellowship with my brothers in Christ. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by Savages who walk the Way of Christ, charging against the gates of hell to proclaim the light in the midst of darkness. As we strive forward in this continuing epic we grow stronger together. We have had many rituals proving our savagery, which include Savage Night (a.k.a date night by those less savage), Walking on Water, playing Bolivian Basketball, the Swing of Glory, and Running the Gauntlet over the River Of Death (R.O.D.) I cannot quite convey how much God has used these guys to further my walk, challenge me where I am weak, and if nothing else have a great time even while doing things not so smart. There is something to be said of an army, a tribe, a band of brothers marching to the same beat, for the same cause, in this case to further the Kingdom of God. They are the Savages refusing to conform to this world becoming outcasts who boldly proclaim the Gospel for the True King. I give a shout out to my brothers, my fellow sojourners, who walk worthy and allow me to share in their Savagery.

Awake the Dawn

2007-03-13T16:21:00.000-07:00

I figured that I would explain the reason why I titled this blog the way that I did, besides the obvious reason that I think it sounds cool. Know that I am no theologian, but only a fellow layman, a child of my Father in Heaven and these blogs are only an expression of my relationship with my Beautiful Savior. Please lend grace to where my weaknesses truly show in my writing and even my thoughts.
Psalm 57 has been truly one of my favorite Psalms ever since I went to Venezuela on my first mission trip during the summer of 2003. I was interning under the Incredible Randy Presley and was placed on a team with my adopted family members, Steve and Trish Karn. From the trip I remember most vividly that I never wanted to do missions again and I definitely wouldn't go back to South America. It was a stressful week that only revealed my lack of spiritual maturity. I learned more than I thought, however, and one thing I did take from it was this Psalm that was read by one of the Venezuelan pastors. When he read it, it was like I had never seen it before even though I read through the Psalms a thousand times. Looking back and seeing how God has worked within me a passion for missions I realize how He planted the seed of verse 2 deep within my heart, "I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me."
I always loved the imagery of verse 8 especially. "Awake, my glory! Awake, O harp and lyre! I will Awake the Dawn!" This verse I believe is speaking to the necessity, the urgency of worshipping God. The verse before and the verses after speak of giving thanks, singing praises, the exaltation of God, His Glory being over all the earth. Is this not why we were created? Our purpose to exalt an Almighty God, the Creator, the Author of Life? I believe all creation speaks, sings, shouts His Glory, His Majesty. Why should we, who have been made in His image, do any less?
There was probably no one who was more passionate about praising God than David, a man after God's own heart. David here, first says, "Awake my glory!" He is basically saying, "Awake my whole being, my whole essence, everything that is in me, let it be alert, let it be totally aware of my God." How many times have I been divided in my thoughts, and have worshipped half-heartily, holding back what I wasn't willing to give to Him? O, that I would awake my glory, awaken it to the praise of my Living God, that all of who I am, all my strengths, all my weaknesses, all I fear and love, all my thoughts and desires, my whole body and soul are awoken to the sunrise of His Eternal Beauty.
He then says, "Awake, O harp and lyre!" David was such an amazing song writer that we still use his beautiful poetry today. What makes them so powerful yet relevant is that he sung and played from what was in the depths of his heart crying out. His music reflected his passion for God, and here he wanted to use his skill of harp and lyre to bless his Savior, to worship Him in song.
Finally, he says, "Awake the Dawn!" David is so eager to see the sunrise so that he can begin to praise the LORD. If he could he would have literally woken a personified dawn so that he could declare the mercies of the LORD. To have such passion, to look forward to the next day only to lift up our God in praise for who He is. I know there have been many a day that I have dreaded and I became bogged down with the trivialities of life. But what if my attitude was to eagerly await, wanting desperately to awake the dawn so that I may begin to declare how great is my God? In so many ways I am impatient to look for my own glory. I wake up in the morning, consumed with who I am that I truly miss why I am, why I have been created.
The verses after this speak soundly of our purpose, which is fulfilled only by God. That He is exalted above the Heavens! That His Glory be over all the earth! I pray that my life will be a pursuit of Him, and will not rest in anything but fellowship with Him. That my life will glorify God in such a way that He is truly magnified and I am nothing more than a reflection. The desire of my soul is to long for tomorrow, to give thanks to God for yet another day to Honor Him, to awake eagerly so I have the opportunity to praise my LORD. I will awake the dawn.

Beginnings

2007-03-09T18:00:00.000-08:00

I hope this to be the first of many blogs chronicling my adventure through these next couple of years. God has laid on my heart a burning desire for the lost that have never been told the Good News. In the heart of South America there are many indigenous people groups that have never had the chance to hear of Salvation. They live in difficult areas to access, which few sojourners have ever travelled. How are they to call on His Name, to believe, to hear unless someone is sent? I pray with the strength of the LORD and His good purpose He will use this broken instrument for His Glory and the advance of His Kingdom. I know this will not be an easy journey nor do I intend for it to be, but what I seek is His Good pleasure in my obedience to His will. This road will lead me to great mountains taking me to the heights of His Majesty where I will be engulfed by His Holy presence, but it will also take me to the lowest depths of spiritual valleys where my only Hope through the darkness is to hold onto the Light that will lead me Home. My intention is to share the workings of God in my life and the lives of the Xtreme Team so that we can fellowship in His Glory all to the praise of His Name. Right now I am in Rockville, Virginia going through Orientation but I will be heading to Peru on April 18th. Please be in prayer for my preparation as I will soon embark on this journey with the LORD.